Archive for 2015

Teach Me, Bob­by! Teach Me!

Six-year-old boy: You know that song “Let’s Get It Start­ed”? It’s by the same group that sings your fa­vorite song “Boom Boom Pow.“
Eight-year-old boy: The Black Eyed Peas?
Six-year-old boy: Yeah! They came out with “Let’s Get It Start­ed” way back in the day… Be­fore they changed their sound.

–Cosi

If You Want a Taste Of the Rain­bow, Go for It!

Teenage Span­ish girls: Mis­ter, mis­ter! Where’d you get that belt?
Guy: (mum­bles)
Girl #1: You know that’s the gay belt, right? That belt is gay, yo.
Guy: (shakes head)
Girl #2: Yeah, that’s the gay belt. You bet­ter take that shit off! Are you gay?
Guy: (shakes head)
Girl #1: Then take that shit off man! You can’t have a gay belt. What store did you get it at? Did­n’t they tell you when you bought it? Mis­ter, you bet­ter re­turn that shit to the store!
Girl #3: Maybe he’s bi. Hey mis­ter, it’s okay if you’re bi. I mean, I like eat­ing pussy.

–Up­town N Train

Over­heard by: Jeff

If It Makes You Hap­py, Wednes­day One-Lin­er Can’t Be That Bad.

Per­turbed man, an­gered by phone con­ver­sa­tion: Look, I’d just be a lot hap­pi­er if you’d tell me that next spring, we can go bal­loon­ing!

–Flat­iron

Teacher, point­ing to stick fig­ure on black­board: This guy over here, is he hap­py or sad? He’s nonex­is­tent, ’cause he’s gonna get ripped in half.

–Pratt In­sti­tute

20-some­thing guy: If my dick were so big that I could­n’t walk, I would be hap­py.

–Spuyten Duyvil

Bald stocky dude with sol­id grey hel­met head tat­too and mas­sive fa­cial pierc­ings on cell: You know you just have to do what you can to be hap­py, but I am not go­ing to keep hav­ing near-death ex­pe­ri­ences just to knock my rocks off.

–20th & 7th

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Al­ways PC

Young teen girl: I’ve done cy­ber­sex so of­ten I for­got how to type with two hands.

–A Train

Suit on cell: I have noth­ing to blog about. I have noth­ing to video blog about. Man, yes­ter­day I had to force my­self to tweet!

–Up­town 4 Train

Over­heard by: cow­girly

Girl sell­ing peach­es to an­oth­er: Yeah, my dad was so un­sym­pa­thet­ic when I told him my com­put­er crashed that I went straight to the Ap­ple store and charged a new hard dri­ve to his cred­it card. I was re­al­ly proud of my­self.

–Fort Greene Farm­ers Mar­ket

Over­heard by: Morn­ing Glo­ry

Teenage girl to friend: I don’t see why we’re even here. We could see all this stuff on the in­ter­net for free.

–Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um

Over­heard by: Derek

She Does­n’t See Sex­u­al As­sault as a Cel­e­bra­tion, Like We Do

Drunk, creepy guy #1: She’s al­ways telling us about our flaws, and why she won’t get with us, but she won’t lis­ten to us tell her about her flaws!
Drunk, creepy guy #2, burn­ing his hand with a lighter: Yeah, she prob­a­bly acts the way she does be­cause she was raped, but she’s like “I don’t want to talk about it!”

–1 train