Archive for 2015

Teach Me, Bobby! Teach Me!

Six-year-old boy: You know that song “Let's Get It Started”? It's by the same group that sings your favorite song “Boom Boom Pow.”
Eight-year-old boy: The Black Eyed Peas?
Six-year-old boy: Yeah! They came out with “Let's Get It Started” way back in the day… Before they changed their sound.

–Cosi

If You Want a Taste Of the Rainbow, Go for It!

Teenage Spanish girls: Mister, mister! Where'd you get that belt?
Guy: (mumbles)
Girl #1: You know that's the gay belt, right? That belt is gay, yo.
Guy: (shakes head)
Girl #2: Yeah, that's the gay belt. You better take that shit off! Are you gay?
Guy: (shakes head)
Girl #1: Then take that shit off man! You can't have a gay belt. What store did you get it at? Didn't they tell you when you bought it? Mister, you better return that shit to the store!
Girl #3: Maybe he's bi. Hey mister, it's okay if you're bi. I mean, I like eating pussy.

–Uptown N Train

Overheard by: Jeff

If It Makes You Happy, Wednesday One-Liner Can't Be That Bad.

Perturbed man, angered by phone conversation: Look, I'd just be a lot happier if you'd tell me that next spring, we can go ballooning!

–Flatiron

Teacher, pointing to stick figure on blackboard: This guy over here, is he happy or sad? He's nonexistent, 'cause he's gonna get ripped in half.

–Pratt Institute

20-something guy: If my dick were so big that I couldn't walk, I would be happy.

–Spuyten Duyvil

Bald stocky dude with solid grey helmet head tattoo and massive facial piercings on cell: You know you just have to do what you can to be happy, but I am not going to keep having near-death experiences just to knock my rocks off.

–20th & 7th

Wednesday One-Liners Are Always PC

Young teen girl: I've done cybersex so often I forgot how to type with two hands.

–A Train

Suit on cell: I have nothing to blog about. I have nothing to video blog about. Man, yesterday I had to force myself to tweet!

–Uptown 4 Train

Overheard by: cowgirly

Girl selling peaches to another: Yeah, my dad was so unsympathetic when I told him my computer crashed that I went straight to the Apple store and charged a new hard drive to his credit card. I was really proud of myself.

–Fort Greene Farmers Market

Overheard by: Morning Glory

Teenage girl to friend: I don't see why we're even here. We could see all this stuff on the internet for free.

–Metropolitan Museum

Overheard by: Derek