Tourist guy: Excuse me, where can I find Washington Square?
Chick: The park?
–6th Avenue & 8th Street
Archive for 2015
Oh! The Fucking Places You’ll Go!
Conductor: Everything’s running normal this weekend.
Black woman: Everything runnin’ normal this weekend? Shit, I could take this train to fuckin’… fuckin’ anywhere!
–Q train
Overheard by: office peon
Headline by: Marc
Runners-Up:
· “Alice in Wonderland, New York Style” — Anastasia Poushkareva
· “Around the Hood in Eighty Days” — ad neal
· “I Meant My Colon” — I Got Real Mail
· “Just a fuckin’ small town girl, livin’ in a fuckin’ lonely world…” — karaoke queen
· “Transfers available to up your ass and go fuck yourself.” — mark manne
· “Why Reading Rainbow and drugs don’t mix” — mike
How About a Man Touching You While Talking in the Third Person?
Instructor: Mr. Hispanic man, talk to me. How do you like touching?
Student: I love it.
Instructor: How about a man touching you?
Student: Even better.
–Brooklyn College classroom
Overheard by: dp
Wednesday One-Liners: “Toga! Toga! Toga!”
60-something white woman: They put on a good show. Those Jesuits really know how to party!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jeff
Gay man to others, about parties: Yeah, I thought about going to the black party, but I’m not that gay!
–7th Ave & 6th St
Overheard by: NottRob
Young woman: I’m twenty-seven. I’ve never been to a party, a sexy party, where I don’t remember who I’ve slept with.
–21st St & Lexington
Overheard by: Jonas
Chick on cell: I can’t. It’s my cousin’s chihuahua’s birthday party.
–28th St & Lexington
Overheard by: sounds like a rager
Always Screaming When Bert Comes Inside Him
Man: Bert was a lot quieter than Ernie.
Woman: This train is a lot quieter than Ernie.
Man: Nine-eleven was a lot quieter than Ernie.
–1 train
Overheard by: DL
Always Have a Safe Word When You Roleplay ‘Girl Who’d Rather Be Sleeping’
Girl #1: I’m so pissed, I didn’t even get to sleep last night.
Girl #2 tries to whisper back: It’s not his fault, why didn’t you complain when he was doing it to you.
[elevator goes silent]
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: Chelsea B.
Legally Wednesday One-liners
Woman: Send good karma so they’ll hire me to practice law without a license.
–8th Ave.
Lady CO: If y’all don’t shut up and behave, I’m turning off the fan! And y’all stink, remember.
–Hoyt-Schermerhorn Jail and Courthouse
Overheard by: Carolina
Wednesday One-Liners’ Next Stop Is Meth
Man shouting to woman nearby: Yo! You better hurry up. I got you a ride. I’m going straight to the bridge, and I ain’t stopping for no crack!
–Amsterdam Ave & 92nd St.
Overheard by: Dana
Girl in dress to friends: And that was the first time I sucked dick for crack…
–10th St & Ave A
Man to another as he walks away: Don’t spend it all in one crackhouse.
–SoHo
Woman, yelling at man twenty feet ahead: Hey! Don’t walk away from me. At least you got crack yesterday!
–Broadway & 96th St
…Who Said It’s What Jesus Would Do
(friend #1 looks into friend #2’s Duane Reade bag)
Friend #1: Athlete foot’s medicine?
Friend #2: Yeah, it’s summer.
Friend #1: No! Just pee on your feet in the shower. I learned that from Madonna!
–Duane Reade, Chelsea
Overheard by: Wil Reyes
All NYC Kindergarteners Now Learn About Bernie Madoff
Six-year-old boy, crying to his mother: Because… (sniff) …he’s a fff… He’s a fff… He’s a fucking sonofabitch! (cries)
Mother: What?
–Brooklyn
