Archive for 2015

Oh! The Fuck­ing Places You’ll Go!

Con­duc­tor: Every­thing’s run­ning nor­mal this week­end.
Black woman: Every­thing run­nin’ nor­mal this week­end? Shit, I could take this train to fuckin’… fuckin’ any­where!

–Q train

Over­heard by: of­fice pe­on

Head­line by: Marc

Run­ners-Up:

· “Al­ice in Won­der­land, New York Style” — Anas­ta­sia Poushkare­va

· “Around the Hood in Eighty Days” — ad neal

· “I Meant My Colon” — I Got Re­al Mail

· “Just a fuckin’ small town girl, livin’ in a fuckin’ lone­ly world…” — karaoke queen

· “Trans­fers avail­able to up your ass and go fuck your­self.” — mark manne

· “Why Read­ing Rain­bow and drugs don’t mix” — mike


Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers: “To­ga! To­ga! To­ga!”

60-some­thing white woman: They put on a good show. Those Je­suits re­al­ly know how to par­ty!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Jeff

Gay man to oth­ers, about par­ties: Yeah, I thought about go­ing to the black par­ty, but I’m not that gay!

–7th Ave & 6th St

Over­heard by: Not­tRob

Young woman: I’m twen­ty-sev­en. I’ve nev­er been to a par­ty, a sexy par­ty, where I don’t re­mem­ber who I’ve slept with.

–21st St & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Jonas

Chick on cell: I can’t. It’s my cous­in’s chi­huahua’s birth­day par­ty.

–28th St & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: sounds like a rager

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers’ Next Stop Is Meth

Man shout­ing to woman near­by: Yo! You bet­ter hur­ry up. I got you a ride. I’m go­ing straight to the bridge, and I ain’t stop­ping for no crack!

–Am­s­ter­dam Ave & 92nd St.

Over­heard by: Dana

Girl in dress to friends: And that was the first time I sucked dick for crack…

–10th St & Ave A

Man to an­oth­er as he walks away: Don’t spend it all in one crack­house.

–So­Ho

Woman, yelling at man twen­ty feet ahead: Hey! Don’t walk away from me. At least you got crack yes­ter­day!

–Broad­way & 96th St

Con­firmed: Bi­o­log­i­cal Ter­ror­ism Hits New York

My guy friend and I stopped on the side­walk to fin­ish up a con­ver­sa­tion and say good­bye. A man walks by and gave a hard shoul­der nudge to my friend and kept walk­ing.

Guy friend: Yeah, ex­cuse me!
Man: You stopped in the mid­dle of the side­walk. You can’t stop in the mid­dle of the side­walk; peo­ple need to get by.

An ar­gu­ment en­sues, then the man walks away. He changes his mind, walks back and gets with­in inch­es of my friend’s face.

Man: I have a cold and I’m go­ing to talk right in your face!

–Broad­way & Ful­ton

Over­heard by: Jessie