Archive for 2015

Grand Slam Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Man sell­ing CDs: If you like the Mets, you will love my al­bum!

–8th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: nicole

Mets fan: I don’t care if I have one lung, or on­ly have half a pan­creas, or if I lose a leg falling in front of the train. As long as the Mets win, I’m good to go.

–7 train

Ass­hole, point­ing to guy with Red Sox bumper stick­er on his wheel­chair: He’s a Boston fan; let’s kick his ass! Oh wait, looks like God beat us to it.

–126th & St Nick

Con­duc­tor, on PA: That John­ny Da­mon. He sure looks like Je­sus. But he sure throws like my lit­tle sis­ter.

–Am­trak train out of Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Lisi­ta

MTA work­er: All peo­ple for the Mets game, go to your right. All peo­ple for the US Open, if any, go to your left.

–Wil­lets Point-Shea Sta­di­um sub­way sta­tion

Over­heard by: Emi­ly

Thugette: Yo, when I make it in show busi­ness, I will not speak to Ben Af­fleck. When I found out he’s a Red Sox fan, I de­cid­ed then and there.

–Q65 bus

Over­heard by: A White Bear

Con­duc­tor: 161st Street, Yan­kee Sta­di­um. Let Big Pa­pi know who the re­al MVP is.

–D train

Over­heard by: Lind­say J.

Be­sides, I Love Her

Man #1: I swear, if she asks me if I love her one more time I’m go­ing to punch her in the god­damn face. She’s dri­ving me up a fuck­ing wall!
Man #2: Maybe you should just break up with her.
Man #1: What, and be alone?

–On 66 West cross town