Archive for 2015

Wednesday One-Liners Take Up Hobbies

Middle-aged woman: I really never cared for skiing, but I was so alone in my marriage, I found it was a great way to meet men.

–Burritoville, 77th & 2nd

Meathead #1, to meathead #2: Hey! Want to go to a ballroom club?

–47th & Madison

Guy, to passersby: Game of chess? Play chess? Chess?…Also got chronic.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Phil

After She Retired from Cosby, Stills, and Nash

Middle aged woman #1: I saw that woman of The Cosby Show near Wall Street yesterday.
Middle aged woman #2: Wow, you did not! Which one?
Middle aged woman #1: Whoopi Goldberg–the one that was married to Bill Cosby in the show!
Middle aged woman #2: Oh yeah, I remember her. I think she changed her name to Whoopi Cosby now.

–A Train

Overheard by: Dora Olafsson

One Might Even Say You're Nuts.

Girl #1: I want chocolate.
Girl #2: So get some chocolate.
Girl #1: I'm going to get some m&ms. The peanut ones.
Girl #2: But the plain ones are chocolaty-er.
Girl #1: But if I just eat the chocolate off the peanuts, and then throw the peanuts away, then I'm only eating half the calories!
Girl #2: You're stupid.
Girl #1: No! (shows girl #2 the nutritional info on the back of both packets)
Girl #2: Yes.

–New York Times Cafeteria

What Kind Of Man Has Female Friends?

Queer #1: I just don't get him at all.
Queer #2: Seriously! It's like he wants to be bisexual, but without the sexual.

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: tchassis

Wednesdays Make You Want to Have One-Liners of Your Own

Little white boy to frustrated black nanny who is trying to hail a cab: My daddy always gets a taxi!

–Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: Dan

Little boy: This place is like a dead zoo.

–American Museum of Natural History

Four-year-old boy: Yo, this sofa is mad comfy!

–Used Furniture Store, Staten Island

Four-year-old boy: That’s enough, I’m calling Interpol!

–A Train

Overheard by: Swarles

Little girl to mom after terrible Skyride attraction: Mommy, can we never do this again?
(random guy behind her starts laughing) Stop it! Stop laughing at me!

–Empire State Building

Overheard by: Claire

Eight-year-old boy: This museum is inappropriate.

–The Metropolitan Museum of Art, Greek & Roman Sculpture Wing

Overheard by: Taylor

Conventional Violence Solves Everything

Hipster #1: I think he just wanted to go out in the street and have a hipster fight about it.
Hipster #2: What is that? They see who can eat the least amount of food?
Hipster #3: No, they see who can squeeze into the tiniest pants.
Hipster #1: That’s funny, but I don’t see how that solves anything.
Hipster #3: Whatever — fucking hipsters.

–Crash Mansion on Bowery