Archive for 2015

He Should Be Hiring Skywriters

Teen girl: Wow, that’s pretty big.
Teen guy: And it won’t stop growing.
Teen girl: I think you need a doctor.
Teen guy: Oh yeah? What am I supposed to say? “Hey doc, my penis just won’t stop growing”? Yeah, right.
Teen girl: Uh…maybe you shouldn’t say that out loud.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Missy

I Like to Braid It Using Only My Tongue

Woman with strong Southern accent: I am gonna have her bachelorette party in my apartment next weekend.
Husband: (nods)
Woman: But the goddamn stripper won't return my phone calls.
(waitress brings shots)
Woman: What is this?
Waitress: Tequila, on us.
Woman: This'll put hair on my boobies.
Husband's friends: That's just how he likes it.
Husband: (nods)

–Brother Jimmy's BBQ, Upper West Side

The Most Talked-About Wednesday One-Liners Of the Season!

Cheap suit on phone: Make conversation? All you guys fucking talk about is bowel movements and the reporting thereof!

–Spring St & Cleveland Pl

Overheard by: Neilium

20-something hot chick on cell: I'm talking about a dog, Sean. Not a penis.

–C Train

Scandalized woman to husband: And they just kept talking about jizz!

–E Train

Woman on cell: I can't talk about somebody being sexy while you talk about my vagina?

–37th & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Mondo Man

When Are You Not?

Barista #1: Dude, that would be awesome.
Barista #2: That’s crap. That would look stupid, and I will give you 50 bucks if you find me one!
Barista #1: Deal.
Customer: What are you guys talking about?
Barista #2: Human cheetah man.

–Tea Lounge, Union St

He Was Wrong

Drunk girls singing to birthday girl: For she's a jolly good fellow, for she's a jolly good fellow, for she's a jolly good fellow…
Drunker girl: And she's got a big cock!
Random black dude behind them: Bet it ain't bigger than mine!

–Bleecker & Bowery

Overheard by: Anna

Wednesday One-Liners Put Them on One Leg at a Time

Boy to girl: Does it look like my ass is eating my pants?

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Eight-year old girl: It’s not me, it’s the pants! It’s the pants!

–81st & Roosevelt Ave

Overheard by: Jobee

Woman on cell: No. No. Absolutely not. Look, would you please put some pants on?

–8th & Broadway

Cop to his cop friends: My buns don’t look good in these pants. But hey, what can you do? It’s part of the uniform.

–Times Square Shuttle Station

Overheard by: Heather

Girl on cell: Do you have to shit? Oh… So go in your pants!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Shira

Incredulous thug to friend: You drop your pants to hop the train?

–W. Houston & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Jon A.