Businessman (to hobo): Well, you’ve got to admit, there’s a lot of Jewish women and men in the city who will try to screw you over.
–Central Park
Archive for 2015
Manhattan: “Aww, Snaaap!”
Confused tourist: Excuse me, can you help us? We're trying to get to New York.
New Yorker: You are in New York.
Confused tourist: I'm sorry, I meant New York City.
–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Outraged Brooklynite
The Typical Teenage Dystopian Future
Youth #1: We should see Hunger Games!
Youth #2: Is it scary? I don't like scary.
Youth #1: No, it's about the the future.
Youth #2: Like 1984?
Youth #1: Yeah, but, like, in the future.
–Holland Tunnel
Overheard by: lolyutes
You Know the Deal. You Finish Last.
Woman blocking sidewalk for filming: Please wait two minutes. Just two minutes.
Woman barging through crowd: I didn't know this was a congregation area! (curses at woman blocking crowd)
Polite girl: Since the asshole got through, can the nice people go through?
–Bleecker St
It’s One Of Those Package Tours
Tourist man: And then we can go in there and get raped.
Tourist woman: Yeah. Let’s go get murdered in Central Park.
–5th Ave & 19th St
Making the Awkward Age Even More So
Tween girl: … But I can’t go out with him! He’s my brother!
Friend #1: But he’s your step-brother, not your real brother.
Friend #2: I would.
–39th & Broadway
Overheard by: Yournamehere
Though Yesterday I Did Say, “I Love Your New Prada Loafers.”
Trendy homo: Last Tuesday was so much fun!
Boy toy: Last Tuesday is when I broke up with you.
Trendy homo: Yea, but nothing has really changed. I just don't have to say “I love you” anymore when we're having sex.
–56th & 9th
I Forgot — the Rules Change When You Stop Paying Rent
Hobo #1: What the fuck are you doing?
Hobo #2: Taking a piss.
Hobo #1: Oh!
Hobo #2: Since when is pissing on a tree illegal? This is a free country, motherfucker.
Hobo #1: I know.
–Central Park
He Hates Sweeping Up Shattered Ethnic Stereotypes
Old Jewish man: My doorman doesn't like me.
Younger retired Jewish man with dog: Why?
Old Jewish man: If I told you, you wouldn't believe it. I had a bunch of newspapers I had to throw out, but I had to put them in the recycling bin. So I was opening it up when a black woman said to me, “aw, sir, you don't have to go through the garbage!” and she gave me twenty dollars!
Younger retired Jewish man with dog: You didn't keep it, did you?
Old Jewish man: She dashed away down the stairs! I had to.
Younger retired Jewish man with dog: And the doorman saw that?
Old Jewish man: Uh-huh.
–Chase Bank, Queens Blvd
In Fairness, Sinatra Never Mentioned That New York Has Hobos
20-something girl #1: I hate that I kinda like that new song by Katy Perry–California girls.
20-something girl #2: That bitch is lying. I was just in LA, and the goddamn beach was freezing, and there were nothing but hippies on the boardwalk.
20-something girl #1: I guess… Maybe Katy was trying to help California tourism.
–22nd St & 7th Ave