Archive for 2015

Take That, You PC Fucks!

Chick #1: So, this black girl goes–
Chick #2, looking around: –You know, you really should say ‘African American’ these days. It’s less, you know…
Chick #1: Fucking please. How do I know she’s from Africa? My cousin, Maria, from Puerto Rico — she’s black like a boot. You call her ‘Africa-anything,’ she’ll fucking kill you.

–3 train to 14th St

Wednesday One-Liners: Now with Coloring Placemat Menus

Small child in large line of kids to woman carrying first-aid kit: Hey, Miss Cynthia, I can’t wait to disappear!

–Lawton St, & Bushwick Ave, Brooklyn

Boy pointing at guy dressed as Statue of Liberty: We waited this whole time just to see that?!

–Line for Statue of Liberty, Battery Park

Little girl: Daddy! I’m hard!

–Blockbuster

Overheard by: Abram

Small boy: Mommy, you sit over there next to Grandma, and I’ll sit over here next to myself.

–Brooklyn-bound F train

Overheard by: post-modern self-identity is a funny thing

Sobbing little boy in stroller to mother: Why can’t you just settle me dowwwn?!

–48th St & Madison

Overheard by: Micaela

Can I Get a “Yee Haw?

Country teenager #1: What's “Pucci”?
Country teenager #2: It's probably like, a knockoff of Gucci. I think everything is a knockoff. You can tell I'm a country girl.

–55th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: facepalm

Was Jesus Even Missing?

Guy: Yeah, he like found Jesus.
Friend: Oh, no.
Guy: So he's the type of guy that everything is excellent for him all the time, and I'm just not like that.

–Bowery & 2nd

The CDC Has Issued a Travel Advisory

Boyfriend, looking at girlfriend's iPhone: Who is this guy Nick that you're talking to?
Ditzy girlfriend: Whatever…you don't have to worry about him. He's from New Jersey, so I would never touch him.
Boyfriend: What's that have to do with anything?
Ditzy girlfriend: Hello! Everyone knows that everyone in New Jersey has STDs!

–7 Train

Headline by: kate

Runners-Up:
· “Experience=Wisdom” – Fresca
· “I Only Cheat on You Within the Five Boroughs” – The Cleveland Kid
· “It’s Why They Have 50 Different Words for Painful Urination” – Brother Elmer
· “Nick: I Told Her That’s Not What “Suburbia” Is…” – Porter
· “Why Lincoln & Holland Toll Takers Wear Gloves” – Leary Blaine

Click here to see the new Headline Contest