Archive for 2015

Take That, You PC Fucks!

Chick #1: So, this black girl goes–
Chick #2, look­ing around: –You know, you re­al­ly should say ‘African Amer­i­can’ these days. It’s less, you know…
Chick #1: Fuck­ing please. How do I know she’s from Africa? My cousin, Maria, from Puer­to Ri­co — she’s black like a boot. You call her ‘Africa-any­thing,’ she’ll fuck­ing kill you.

–3 train to 14th St

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers: Now with Col­or­ing Place­mat Menus

Small child in large line of kids to woman car­ry­ing first-aid kit: Hey, Miss Cyn­thia, I can’t wait to dis­ap­pear!

–Law­ton St, & Bush­wick Ave, Brook­lyn

Boy point­ing at guy dressed as Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty: We wait­ed this whole time just to see that?!

–Line for Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty, Bat­tery Park

Lit­tle girl: Dad­dy! I’m hard!

–Block­buster

Over­heard by: Abram

Small boy: Mom­my, you sit over there next to Grand­ma, and I’ll sit over here next to my­self.

–Brook­lyn-bound F train

Over­heard by: post-mod­ern self-iden­ti­ty is a fun­ny thing

Sob­bing lit­tle boy in stroller to moth­er: Why can’t you just set­tle me dowwwn?!

–48th St & Madi­son

Over­heard by: Mi­caela

Can I Get a “Yee Haw?

Coun­try teenag­er #1: What’s “Puc­ci”?
Coun­try teenag­er #2: It’s prob­a­bly like, a knock­off of Guc­ci. I think every­thing is a knock­off. You can tell I’m a coun­try girl.

–55th St & 5th Ave

Over­heard by: facepalm

Was Je­sus Even Miss­ing?

Guy: Yeah, he like found Je­sus.
Friend: Oh, no.
Guy: So he’s the type of guy that every­thing is ex­cel­lent for him all the time, and I’m just not like that.

–Bow­ery & 2nd

The CDC Has Is­sued a Trav­el Ad­vi­so­ry

Boyfriend, look­ing at girl­friend’s iPhone: Who is this guy Nick that you’re talk­ing to?
Ditzy girl­friend: Whatever…you don’t have to wor­ry about him. He’s from New Jer­sey, so I would nev­er touch him.
Boyfriend: What’s that have to do with any­thing?
Ditzy girl­friend: Hel­lo! Every­one knows that every­one in New Jer­sey has STDs!

–7 Train

Head­line by: kate

Run­ners-Up:
· “Experience=Wisdom” — Fres­ca
· “I On­ly Cheat on You With­in the Five Bor­oughs” — The Cleve­land Kid
· “It’s Why They Have 50 Dif­fer­ent Words for Painful Uri­na­tion” — Broth­er Elmer
· “Nick: I Told Her That’s Not What “Sub­ur­bia” Is…” — Porter
· “Why Lin­coln & Hol­land Toll Tak­ers Wear Gloves” — Leary Blaine

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test