Archive for 2015

To Make You Grateful to Be Childless

Man: Excuse me, but that kid’s screaming is ruining my museum experience.
Dad pushing stroller with shrieker inside: Listen, pal, she’s two years old–
Man: –So why did you bring her?!

–Ancient Near East Galleries, the Met

The Master Bedroom Of Wednesday One-Liners

Colleague on phone with Health & Racquet Club: Is there a certain time at the gym during the week that is more popular with masturbation enthusiasts?

–23rd & 6th


Guy on cell walking dog: Hey, honey. I wanted to call you to tell you that I just masturbated… And I thought about you the whole time.

–110th & Broadway

Overheard by: A‑girl

Barnard girl walking by: This dry spell is getting really serious. My hand like, permanently smells like my pussy.

–Broadway & 114th

Overheard by: Rashmi

Man in wheelchair to friends walking: You would think so, but I masturbate with my right hand.

–14th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Staci

Crying girl screaming into cell: Is that the only word you masturbate to?!

–W 4th St & Barrow St

Overheard by: Howard