Archive for 2015

Just a Lit­tle Bit Of Wednes­day One-Lin­er Re­peat­ing

Moth­er to child in front of dio­ra­ma of pil­grims and Na­tive Amer­i­cans: Well, that’s be­cause the In­di­ans nev­er met re­al peo­ple be­fore.

–Mu­se­um of Nat­ur­al His­to­ry

Over­heard by: Pe­ter R.

Young girl, ar­riv­ing through train tun­nel at Grand Cen­tral Sta­tion: I won­der if Har­ri­et Tub­man is down here.

–Grand Cen­tral Sta­tion

Air­head: I think like… Colo­nial­iza­tion is like… The um­brel­la theme of, like… Diplo­ma­cy.

–Pommes Frites

His­to­ry teacher, about An­drew Jack­son: He tight, he kill mad peo­ple, he bug­gin’.

–High School

Teacher, dis­cussing Thomas Jef­fer­son­’s mis­tress: You see, guys? His­to­ry is ex­cit­ing! It’s full of sex!

–High School, Low­er Man­hat­tan

Over­heard by: SzN31

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Breathe through Their Noses

Black girl on blue­tooth head­set: You want every­one to suck yo dick, dontcha? Dontcha?! You want every­one to suck yo dick!

–W. 59th & 9th Ave

Over­heard by: Alexan­dra

Twelve-year-old gui­do, near tears, dou­bled over in the street scream­ing on his cell phone: You sucked Char­lie’s dick last night, you blow job! You sucked Char­lie’s dick last night, you blow job!

–Brook­lyn

20 some­thing blonde on cell: … Is that nor­mal? [Pause.] No, it’s dif­fer­ent every time, like it al­most dis­ap­pears… Then an­oth­er time its all swing­ing and shit… Is that nor­mal? [Listens.]Oh no! Thats just fine, like it gags me when … [Mum­bles.]

–LIRR

Man­ag­er to em­ploy­ee: You are a cock guz­zling thun­der­cunt!

–Chelsea

Gay guy, to his friend: I mean…I may suck dick but at least I don’t take it up the ass.

–16th & 9th

Woman: Short of blow­ing him in Mo­Ma, I re­al­ly don’t know how to get his at­ten­tion.

–A Train

Over­heard by: Why Mo­Ma?

Black­out Fun

Hys­ter­i­cal Man: The bridge is swing­ing! Every­body get off the bridge!
Rea­son­able Man: It’s sup­posed to swing! This is a sus­pen­sion bridge!

–Brook­lyn Bridge

Sto­ry of My Life

Girl #1: I don’t know how I feel about him. He’s kind of an elit­ist.
Girl #2: Well, some peo­ple would say I’m an elit­ist.
Girl #1: Yeah, but with you it’s fun­ny.

–Pratt ladies’ room, Man­hat­tan

Over­heard by: Jack­ie C.

Dude: Hi! Where do you keep your books about re­venge?

–Pos­man Books, Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: Laven­der Men­ace