Polish guy: Dude, it smells like a midget’s ass over here!
Friend: How do you know what a midget’s ass smells like?
Drunk guy: He’s Polish! How else would he be able to screw in a lightbulb?
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Overheard by: POLA
Archive for 2015
Times Are Tough When You Can Buy Scots in Toys R Us
American lady #1: What are people from Scotland called?
American lady #2: Ummm… Scotlanders.
American lady #1: Thought so!
–Toys R Us, Times Square
Overheard by: Linzbh
Gee, I Thought It Was an Easy One
Young Hasidim selling menorahs: Are you Jewish?
Old WASP lady in fur coat, disgusted: What kind of question is that?!
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Afrocurl
Wednesday One-Liners Thought “Elemeno” Was a Letter
Lady on cell: Yes, that’s right. N as in ‘Nancy,’ M as in ‘umbrella’…
–Brooklyn Botanic Garden
Conductor: This is a downtown V train — V as in ‘vasectomy.’
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Kim
MTA announcement: The next train is a Brooklyn-bound C train. C as in ‘Shelly.’
–59th St station
Overheard by: Trey Givens
Loud man on cell: No, no, her name starts with an F… No, F… F like in ‘phonics’! What? It doesn’t? Oh, well, I guess you could spell it that way, too.
–L train
Loudspeaker: This is the B‑as-in-‘badass’ train. Transfer to the D and Four.
–Yankee Stadium station
Ghetto girl on cell: C… No! C — like the last letter in ‘New York.’
–103rd & Lex
Warning: Freedom Must Be Kept Refrigerated after Opening
Child #1, about strong fish smell: Yuck! What’s that smell?
Child #2: I smell freedom!
–Ferry near Statue of Liberty
Overheard by: Tom Jotkowitz
Romantic Comedies Get Worse Every Year
Guy #1: Dude, I heard your ex was totally cheap.
Guy #2: Yeah, man. Like one time she roomed with a retarded person to get reduced rent.
–3rd Ave & St. Mark’s
Overheard by: Barton
The Camus Prequel Falls Short of the Original
Boy: Mom? Mom? Can I get this?
Mom: No.
Boy: I see you as a stranger now.
–Burlington Coat Factory, Atlantic Center Mall
Overheard by: Sara Kleipe
What Is He, A Dentist?
Crone: It’s 2:30! Shoot me, please. Why did I ever marry that man?
–Office, 36th Street
Some of Us Call It Seared
Guy #1: The menu is on the board.
Guy #2: What’s the sea red dumpling?
Guy #1: Sea red? What are you talking about?
Guy #2: Right there, monster…sea red.
–Dumpling Man, St. Marks Place
Overheard by: Rathan Haran
Someone’s Been to the Learning Annex
Mom: What?…What?
Tween boy: That woman–
Mom: Nah, boy. You need to learn how to crack on people. Gotta be quick on that shit. ou too late.
Tween boy: But–
Mom: Don’t even try. It ain’t gonna be funny. You too late.
–3 train
