Archive for 2015

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Won’t Go to Brook­lyn to Eat

El­der­ly woman yelling at man look­ing at map: Where you go­ing? What col­or is your train? Is it yel­low or or­ange? This train is green. You should get on a red train. (singing) Red, or­ange, yel­low, green, blue. Oh, and brown. Can’t for­get that. Just don’t go to Brook­lyn. No. No. No-o-o‑o. Not there.

–4 Train

Over­heard by: Sun­ny

Girl on phone: My friend said that’s prob­a­bly why I don’t like Brooklyn–because I have the night of the liv­ing dead out­side my win­dow…

–Am­s­ter­dam & 112th

Up­per East Side man: If you re­al­ly want to rough it, go to Brook­lyn.

–84th & 2nd

Lit­tle girl shout­ing: Every­one in this en­tire build­ing is go­ing to Brook­lyn!

–Grand Cen­tral

Be­cause Last Time I Saw You, You Said to Get a Hob­by!

Old­er la­dy: So how are you do­ing? I haven’t seen you in a while.
Old­er man: I’m great! I just lost 50 pounds. I’ve nev­er been bet­ter!
Old­er la­dy: 50 pounds? Why did you put on all that weight?

–86th & Lex­ing­ton

NYC Rules Re­quire Me to Fuck with You

Blonde tourist #1: I think we have plen­ty of time be­fore our train leaves. What time is it?
Blonde tourist #2: I have no idea. My cell phone is dead. [To pass­ing suit] Um, sir? Do you know what time it is?
Suit, rolling his eyes up at huge clock, then at blondes: Nope.

–Grand Cen­tral in­fo booth with four-sided clock on top

Over­heard by: Matt

Eh, Not Enough Dra­ma

PR girl in bath­room stall: I just want to die. I need to die. I’m go­ing to die this week.
Friend in next stall: No you’re not.
PR girl in bath­room stall: Yeah, I am… So how was your week­end?

–Carnegie Hall

Over­heard by: Kata­ri­na

Af­ter the Fist­fight, an Eth­nic Mis­match Com­e­dy Start­ed Pro­duc­tion

Black re­cep­tion­ist: Car­los De Je­sus George? Are you here?
Lati­no re­cep­tion­ist: It’s not pro­nounced ‘De Je-zus George,’ but ‘De He-sus Hor-he.‘
Black re­cep­tion­ist: Ex­cuse me? What are you say­ing? This clear­ly says ‘Car­los De Je­sus George.
Lati­no re­cep­tion­ist: No moth­er would name their son Je­sus. And be­sides, that’s not the cor­rect pro­nun­ci­a­tion in Span­ish.
Black re­cep­tion­ist: What? Oh, girl, you know I don’t speak those words.

–Doc­tor’s of­fice, 15th & 1st