Archive for 2015

Of New Literary Markets?

Worker #1, gesturing: Where’d they go?
Worker #2: He’s showing her the new Jeff Koons book.
Worker #1: Oh, I didn’t know they were into Jeff Koons.
Worker #2: Oh, I’m not sure they are. But I saw the book. There’s, like, mad penetration in there.

–The Met

Wednesday One-Liners: The Forgotten Borough

Girl on cell: He’s thinking of moving to Queens, and really I don’t think we’re going to be able to last through that.

–1 New York Plaza

Pretty 20-something on phone: So, I mean, I totally have a newfound appreciation for homicidal rages. Who the hell would ditch me for some ugly fag from Queens? Seriously, I should kill him. Or, just leave him in Queens…forever. Would that be a war crime?

–Wall Street

Overheard by: …I almost asked

30-something suit to another: I’ll tell you though, it’s not easy getting laid in Queens.

–Court St. & Montague

Overheard by: Kaiti

Enthusiastic, articulate conductor: As you can see, we’re at the 21st Street stop! This is the first stop in Queens, soooo welcome to Queens! The next and final stop on this train is Courthouse Square. Now that we all know, let’s be on our way!

–G Train

Overheard by: I wish this guy narrated all of my subway trips

Girl’s in Queens for the first time: you can order milkshakes and cigarettes from the diner any time of night? This place is a fucking wonderland!

–Queens

So You Know His Father Was No Help

Older Puerto Rican woman: Did you hear about the story of the Dominican woman who locked up her son for 25 years?
(disinterested friend shakes head)
Older Puerto Rican woman: He was gorgeous… beautiful. You know who he looked like?
Disinterested friend: Who?
Older Puerto Rican woman: Jesus Christ!

–106th St & 3rd Ave