Archive for 2015

Of New Lit­er­ary Mar­kets?

Work­er #1, ges­tur­ing: Where’d they go?
Work­er #2: He’s show­ing her the new Jeff Koons book.
Work­er #1: Oh, I did­n’t know they were in­to Jeff Koons.
Work­er #2: Oh, I’m not sure they are. But I saw the book. There’s, like, mad pen­e­tra­tion in there.

–The Met

How Could This Not Work?

Odd-Look­ing guy: At­ten­tion, hu­mans. I am an an­gel. An Earth an­gel. I used to speak on be­half of Je­sus Christ, but I have been pro­mot­ed to be an an­gel on Earth, to teach oth­ers how to be­come earth an­gels. I can teach you how to be­come an Earth an­gel. I can on­ly teach fe­males.

–Down­town 6 train

Over­heard by: Shi­ra

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers: The For­got­ten Bor­ough

Girl on cell: He’s think­ing of mov­ing to Queens, and re­al­ly I don’t think we’re go­ing to be able to last through that.

–1 New York Plaza

Pret­ty 20-some­thing on phone: So, I mean, I to­tal­ly have a new­found ap­pre­ci­a­tion for homi­ci­dal rages. Who the hell would ditch me for some ug­ly fag from Queens? Se­ri­ous­ly, I should kill him. Or, just leave him in Queens…forever. Would that be a war crime?

–Wall Street

Over­heard by: …I al­most asked

30-some­thing suit to an­oth­er: I’ll tell you though, it’s not easy get­ting laid in Queens.

–Court St. & Mon­tague

Over­heard by: Kaiti

En­thu­si­as­tic, ar­tic­u­late con­duc­tor: As you can see, we’re at the 21st Street stop! This is the first stop in Queens, soooo wel­come to Queens! The next and fi­nal stop on this train is Cour­t­house Square. Now that we all know, let’s be on our way!

–G Train

Over­heard by: I wish this guy nar­rat­ed all of my sub­way trips

Girl’s in Queens for the first time: you can or­der milk­shakes and cig­a­rettes from the din­er any time of night? This place is a fuck­ing won­der­land!