Archive for 2015

Wednes­days Pray Their One-Lin­ers Don’t Go Con­do

Mid­dle-aged woman to oth­ers: Just be­cause she’s got her own apart­ment, she thinks she has it all to­geth­er.

–Near NYU

Over­heard by: Er­ic

20-some­thing guy to an­oth­er, about his apart­ment: All I want to do in my apart­ment is die.

–Fort Greene, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Dodd Loomis

Woman on cell, walk­ing briskly: There was blood all over the apart­ment…

–E 9th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave

Cashier to male shop­per: Dude, your apart­ment is rent-sta­bi­lized and you have food stamps? You are so rich!

–Whole Foods, Hous­ton & Bow­ery

20-some­thing trendy Jonas Broth­er-look­ing dude on cell: No, I sleep on the couch that’s in the kitchen. (short pause) I’ll tell you about my apart­ment lat­er.

–9th Ave b/w 14th & 15th

Over­heard by: Dash

Noth­ing Makes Me Come Like Some Zyk­lon, Re­dux

Queer: Why do you like him? The guy be­hind us in the black shirt is so much hot­ter.
Hag: Ew…
Queer: You know I like those big, rough Ger­man types…if he put me in a camp, just imag­ine all the ter­ri­ble things he would do to me.
Hag: …Would you stop star­ing at him?
Queer: I so want him to rape me.
Hag: Get over it, he’s not gay!
Queer: What­ev­er, if we were in prison he’d so be do­ing me.

–Yan­kee Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: Smack Jack

Guy: This is go­ing to sound aw­ful but Ryan Gosling was re­al­ly hot in that movie where he played the Nazi with the shaved head.
Girl: Yeah, he was a hot Nazi in that movie. A hotzi, if you will.

–92nd Street Y

Over­heard by: Kel­ly

Is This Racist? Dis­cuss.

Thug, bump­ing in­to suit rush­ing up the es­ca­la­tor: Watch where you go­ing, nig­ga!
Suit: Now there’s the pot call­ing the ket­tle black!

–Lex­ing­ton & 53rd St