Man, as a woman screams: Bitch, don’t touch me! My wife is pregnant!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jay
Archive for 2015
We’ll Keep Romance Alive Until Straight People Want It Again
Girl: What kind of movie do you suggest?
Gay employee: Oh, a romantic comedy.
Girl: That’s gay.
Gay employee: I know!
–Lowes on Broadway
Overheard by: B
…the Same Way That Daddy Ate an Alcoholic, Sociopathic Chicken. Any Questions?
Son to mom: I have this new kid in my class and the teacher said he is autistic. Where do autistic people come from?
Mom: Autistic chickens, they ate an autistic chicken when he was younger and out he came, out and autistic.
–W Train
Take a Right at Hither. If You Reach Yon, You’ve Gone Too Far.
Mom: They had a big mansion over yonder.
Girl: In Yonkers?
Mom: No, over yonder.
Girl: Where’s yonder?
–Hanson Place & Atlantic Avenue, Brooklyn
Overheard by: harley spiller
I’ve Just Dated a Lot of Guys Who Really Loved Me
Queer: So, yeah, I told him I cheated on him.
Fag hag: Oh… So you don’t really love him, then.
Queer: You think so?
Fag hag: Oh, darling. When you really love someone…
Queer: I know, I know, you don’t cheat on them.
Fag hag: No! When you really love someone, you cheat and never tell.
Queer: You’re so ahead of me.
–Mercer & Broome St
Nothing Makes Me Come Like Some Zyklon, Redux
Queer: Why do you like him? The guy behind us in the black shirt is so much hotter.
Hag: Ew…
Queer: You know I like those big, rough German types…if he put me in a camp, just imagine all the terrible things he would do to me.
Hag: …Would you stop staring at him?
Queer: I so want him to rape me.
Hag: Get over it, he’s not gay!
Queer: Whatever, if we were in prison he’d so be doing me.
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Smack Jack
Guy: This is going to sound awful but Ryan Gosling was really hot in that movie where he played the Nazi with the shaved head.
Girl: Yeah, he was a hot Nazi in that movie. A hotzi, if you will.
–92nd Street Y
Overheard by: Kelly
Is This Racist? Discuss.
Thug, bumping into suit rushing up the escalator: Watch where you going, nigga!
Suit: Now there’s the pot calling the kettle black!
–Lexington & 53rd St
To Make It Explicit: The Center is Full of Rich Butter
Girl #1: Yeah, that French kid’s pretty hot.
Girl #2: His butt is like…it’s like a croissant!
Girl #1: Ohmigod, ew. But yeah, it’s true.
–1 train
Ah Well. Lake Of Hellfire It Is, Then!
Crazy preacher guy: If you think I’m not telling the truth, fine. But on Judgement Day you will pay for all those times you didn’t go to church.
Passenger: Hey, it’s Easter Sunday…shouldn’t you be in church?
Crazy preacher guy: Oh, shit.
–1 Train
Remember the Old Saying: “Not a Lot of Room/You Don’t Have a Womb”
Guy: How do you know I don’t have a uterus?
Girl: Because you’re too skinny to have one!
–Rooftop Party, South Williamsburg
Overheard by: wombat
