Archive for 2015

It Got Me Through Col­lege

Cashier #1: So they’re like, not gonna let me grad­u­ate.
Cashier #2: What if you give them mon­ey? My school’s a cap­i­tal­ist ma­chine, they’ll let you get away with mur­der if you pay them enough…unless you’re preg­nant. Then you’re screwed.
Cashier #1: Nah, they’re too used to kids pulling knives on them for ex­tra pen­cils.
Cashier #2: Then cry. You can get any­thing you want by cry­ing. Works for me.

–Kings Plaza, Brook­lyn

I’m Guess­ing Girl #1 is Around 250

Girl #1: Do you want to get some lunch first?
Girl #2: No, I had a huge din­ner last night at this new guy’s place and pan­cakes this morn­ing.
Girl #1: Mmm, where did you get pan­cakes from?

–10th Street & 6th Av­enue

Over­heard by: Al­lis Hellmich

That Went With­out Say­ing

Guy: She did this al­bum made up en­tire­ly of processed sex nois­es. It’s her and her boyfriend hav­ing sex in var­i­ous sundry ways. She got men­tioned in a British news­pa­per and then the Dai­ly News picked it up. And now it looks like she’s go­ing to have a record deal. Most of it is…it’s kind of Ger­man, you know?

–27th Street of­fice