Archive for January, 2016

Mel­lo Asian

White suit to an­oth­er, see­ing Asian guy: I’m sure he’ll help us. He’s yel­low… Uh, I mean, Asian…

–Q train, 14th & Union Square

Noth­ing Quite as Cul­tured as In­ter­ject­ing with a Slur

White guy: Alien vs. Preda­tor was such a bad movie.
Black guy: Tell me some­thing. Where do Alien and Preda­tor come from?
White guy: What do you mean? They come from some­body’s imag­i­na­tion, of course.
Black guy: No, I mean what movies they came from.
White guy: You are aware that there was a movie called Alien and there was an­oth­er called Preda­tor.
Black guy: Nope, nev­er even heard of them.
Old man: Learn the cul­ture, nig­ger!

–Q46 bus

Over­heard by: Ting

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Fail the Pu­ri­ty Test

Girl: I’m done with three­somes. Some­one al­ways gets hurt. It’s four-gies on­ly from now on.

–Du­ane Reade, 32nd & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Jaina Wald

Man on cell: You got the what? The what? So you got the queen-sized bed!! You whore! You whore!

–Wall & Wa­ter

Over­heard by: Aubrie

Man: Hey, any­one want to go to an or­gy?

–Cen­tral Park

Loud teen boy: Dad, do we need con­doms?

–Phar­ma­cy, 82nd & Colum­bus

Girl on cell: Well it’s not even like any­one there had any re­al porn back­ground!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Na­tal­ie

Guy on stoop: Dude! I did not give that girl VD.

–22nd & Broad­way

Loud fe­male suit: Well, at least he was­n’t sleep­ing with an in­tern!

–45th & Lex

Prep­py girl on cell: Hey, girly, I got my­self two tick­ets for us to go to the Do­mini­can Re­pub­lic for next week, and you know what that means: 7 days of Do­mini­can cock. Yum!

–34th St

Over­heard by: naid­aba­by

What “The Full Route” Re­al­ly Means

Bus dri­ver: Due to cir­cum­stances be­yond our con­trol, Van­der­bilt will be the last stop on the bus.
Pas­sen­gers: [Gasp] Oh, no!
Bus dri­ver: And now that I know the PA sys­tem works, I was just jok­ing. This bus will be go­ing the full route. [A few min­utes lat­er] If you are with some­body, please have them sit on your lap. If not, in­tro­duce your­self.

–Crowd­ed B38 bus

Over­heard by: kit­ty

They Re­sist Scratch­es As You’d Re­sist a 350-Pound Rapist on Meth, For Ex­am­ple

Cus­tomer: Look, see, there’s two scratch­es right there.
Op­ti­cian: Those two? OK, now you’re be­ing picky.
Cus­tomer: Picky?! I’m sor­ry that I set my ex­pec­ta­tions above your abil­i­ty to pro­vide me with scratch-re­sis­tant lens­es with­out scratch­es in them.

–Eyes on the Slope, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Hmm..maybe Lens Crafters

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Nev­er Said They Were Ex­clu­sive

Woman on cell: Well, her pro­file says ‘In a re­la­tion­ship,’ so she has no ex­cuse to be fuck­ing every­one else’s boyfriends!

–The Bagel House, 39th St & Dit­mars Blvd, As­to­ria

Over­heard by: Louie

Guy: Hey, I’ll give you my ex-girl­friend if you’ll take her.

–1st St & Ave A

Over­heard by: ap­ples

Fag hag: An­der­son Coop­er is so gor­geous. I want to be his boyfriend.

–1 train

Over­heard by: Al­lisa

Ghet­to babe: She kicked the shit out of three or four boyfriends. She’s not get­tin’ an­oth­er. What’s she gonna do? Call him up, kick the shit out of him, get her­self locked up again?

–Penn Sta­tion

Girl on cell: I might break up with my boyfriend be­cause he wants to get a mon­key.

–59th & Lex

Over­heard by: Matt

Bim­bette: Do you think the rea­son I can’t get a boyfriend is be­cause I nev­er re-post those things on My­Space?!

–La­Guardia air­port

Lit­tle girl: I don’t have a boyfriend right now. Some­times it’s bet­ter not to be in a re­la­tion­ship.

–72nd St & York