Stoner guy, as it begins to rain: Dude, what is this shit?
Other guy: Um, rain?
Stoner guy: … Man, I got a bad feeling about this…
–Broadway & Bleecker
Archive for February, 2016
…Going in and Out Of the White House All Night Long
Guy selling Obama condoms: Yes, you can… get laid! Don’t do the big apple without protection. Obama condoms, get them here!
Frumpy Southern tourist lady: Oh my god! They are actually condoms. That is my President’s face. It does not belong on a condom.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Sam
That Gives You a Card and Has Some Complicated Decimal System?
Brainy guy: I don’t think I’m going to buy any books next semester.
Ditzy girl: So what do you expect to do, rent them from some sort of free book rental company?
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Sromeo
Do You Take This Wednesday to Be Your Lawfully Wedded One-Liner?
Grad student: Translation: Will you marry me? Or: I don’t want germs.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Dude: … My wedding [mumble] gonna take away my clothes, so I’m going to need a tear-away tuxedo.
–53rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Jo
Chick to another: Yeah, he’s the one who wouldn’t marry her because she was too pale.
–Starbucks
Blonde: … And I’m really not sure, because he said he shouldn’t unless we are married, but that it’s okay, we could just do it and then he could just confess his sins or something like that…
–Broadway & Prince
Overheard by: Dan
Lesbian to group: So, what is the reason behind getting married, besides pretending to be heterosexual? Exactly — presents!
–Party, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jude
Wednesday One-Liners and Tigers and Bears–Oh, My!
Young woman to another: But do you know how big a horse dick is?
–5th Ave & Carroll, Park Slope
Girl: I’m really tired. I’m, like, an animal activist right now.
–Parking Lot, Broadway Mall
Overheard by: Lysa
Student: I’m not that sensitive. I can watch those videos where they like, torture the animal or whatever, and then I’ll go eat it.
–Cardozo Law School
Asian girl: Does this make me look like a sad Panda?
–NYU Dining Hall
Columbia girl: I’d never have asked if I knew he was the one who’d killed it. But I didn’t suspect him. Who’d spend their time strangling a gerbil?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Who’d have thought?
Guido to friend: Yo, it smells like a skunk burped up a hot dog.
–Penn Station
Lady on speaker: If you have an animal, please do not put it through the X‑ray.
–LaGuardia Airport
Unless Somebody Dares Us
Woman to teen skater punks splashing in fountain: You know there’s birdshit in that, right?
Lead teen skater punk: We’re not drinking it!
–55th St Water Fountain
Overheard by: A little purel never hurt
Guess He’s Fucked, Ma’am
Mother: Honey, do you want hummus or prosciutto in your croque?
Seemingly adorable five-year-old son: Proshuuuuuuuuuto!
(several minutes of them speaking French)
Mother to waiter: He’s allergic to macadamia nuts and buckwheat.
–Le Pain Quotidien, 64th & Lexington
I Sell Dead People, and I Don’t See Them
Porn man: If you don’t have ID, I can’t let you in.
Minor guy: Man, I can sell pussy, but you won’t let me see pussy?
–Porn store, 42nd between 8th & 9th
“Heterosexuality” — New to the PSP
Guy #1: Oh my god, dude!
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: I just lost the game.
Guy #2: Faggot!
–Hudson & Leroy
Overheard by: Jason Smith
Headline by: David S
Runners-Up:
· “After Every Game in the Detroit Lions Locker Room” — PeterG
· “It’s All in the Wrist.” — Coyoty
· “Thanks Overheard, Now We’ve All Lost! Http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Game_(mind_game)” — Jen
· “This Is the Last Time Bob Played Homo / No Homo” — BabakganoosH
· “Well, the Game WAS “Only Hit on the Girls”…” — Punzie
It Doesn’t Listen to Him Anymore
Guy: Haven’t seen you in a while.
Barber: Yeah, I was having a problem with my tonsils. I was sick
for about 3 weeks.
Guy: You gonna have them out?
Barber: Probably. I should, but I’m chicken. But I probably gotta.
Guy: I got this friend who went to the doctor, right? And the doctor said he hadda go get a colonoscopy. You shoulda seen his face! He didn’t go.
Barber: You gotta do it, though, before things get worse.
Guy: Yeah, I think his colon did get worse.
–Manhattan Unisex, Allen Street
