Archive for February, 2016

Do You Take This Wednes­day to Be Your Law­ful­ly Wed­ded One-Lin­er?

Grad stu­dent: Trans­la­tion: Will you mar­ry me? Or: I don’t want germs.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: La­dle

Dude: … My wed­ding [mum­ble] gonna take away my clothes, so I’m go­ing to need a tear-away tuxe­do.

–53rd & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Jo

Chick to an­oth­er: Yeah, he’s the one who would­n’t mar­ry her be­cause she was too pale.

–Star­bucks

Blonde: … And I’m re­al­ly not sure, be­cause he said he should­n’t un­less we are mar­ried, but that it’s okay, we could just do it and then he could just con­fess his sins or some­thing like that…

–Broad­way & Prince

Over­heard by: Dan

Les­bian to group: So, what is the rea­son be­hind get­ting mar­ried, be­sides pre­tend­ing to be het­ero­sex­u­al? Ex­act­ly — presents!

–Par­ty, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Jude

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers and Tigers and Bears–Oh, My!

Young woman to an­oth­er: But do you know how big a horse dick is?

–5th Ave & Car­roll, Park Slope

Girl: I’m re­al­ly tired. I’m, like, an an­i­mal ac­tivist right now.

–Park­ing Lot, Broad­way Mall

Over­heard by: Lysa

Stu­dent: I’m not that sen­si­tive. I can watch those videos where they like, tor­ture the an­i­mal or what­ev­er, and then I’ll go eat it.

–Car­do­zo Law School

Asian girl: Does this make me look like a sad Pan­da?

–NYU Din­ing Hall

Co­lum­bia girl: I’d nev­er have asked if I knew he was the one who’d killed it. But I did­n’t sus­pect him. Who’d spend their time stran­gling a ger­bil?

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Who’d have thought?

Gui­do to friend: Yo, it smells like a skunk burped up a hot dog.

–Penn Sta­tion

La­dy on speak­er: If you have an an­i­mal, please do not put it through the X‑ray.

–La­Guardia Air­port

Guess He’s Fucked, Ma’am

Moth­er: Hon­ey, do you want hum­mus or pro­sciut­to in your croque?
Seem­ing­ly adorable five-year-old son: Proshu­u­u­u­u­u­u­u­u­to!
(sev­er­al min­utes of them speak­ing French)
Moth­er to wait­er: He’s al­ler­gic to macadamia nuts and buck­wheat.

–Le Pain Quo­ti­di­en, 64th & Lex­ing­ton

“Het­ero­sex­u­al­i­ty” — New to the PSP

Guy #1: Oh my god, dude!
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: I just lost the game.
Guy #2: Fag­got!

–Hud­son & Leroy

Over­heard by: Ja­son Smith

Head­line by: David S

Run­ners-Up:
· “Af­ter Every Game in the De­troit Li­ons Lock­er Room” — Pe­terG
· “It’s All in the Wrist.” — Coy­oty
· “Thanks Over­heard, Now We’ve All Lost! Http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Game_(mind_game)” — Jen
· “This Is the Last Time Bob Played Ho­mo / No Ho­mo” — BabakganoosH
· “Well, the Game WAS “On­ly Hit on the Girls”…” — Pun­zie

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test