Archive for May, 2016

Q: What’s Black and White and Red All Over? A: An Em­bar­rassed Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Girl to friend: Oh, my God, I think I just left the most em­bar­rass­ing thing in the bath­room.

–Barnes & No­ble

Over­heard by: V

Woman to room­mate: When we get home, we’ll have em­bar­rass­ing sex­u­al ac­ci­dents!

–Path­mark, Mas­s­ape­qua

Over­heard by: Are they re­al­ly ac­ci­dents if you plan ahead?

Nerdy TA: The the­sis talk is kind of like the sex talk. It’s a lit­tle em­bar­rass­ing, no one re­al­ly wants to give it, but it’ll make you grow as adults.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Girl to friend: I’m not em­bar­rassed that I peed in his bed. I’m just not.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Girl on cell: I saw it and I thought, “how em­bar­rass­ing would it be rid­ing on a bike with a nun.”

–Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: gal­gal

Read My Lips, Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Girl on cell: No I’m not bring­ing any­thing, this is not a date, it’s 10 o’­clock on a Fri­day night. I’m bring­ing my vagi­na, that’s what I’m bring­ing.

–Court St & 2nd Place

Girl on cell: I mean, there’s noth­ing ob­vi­ous­ly wrong with my vagi­na!

–23rd & 7th

Girl on bike: I feel like I’ve had a pen­cil up my vagi­na for 10 hours!

–Hud­son Riv­er Bike Path

Dis­traught NYU stu­dent: I’m cov­ered in vagi­nal cream.

–NYU Dorm, Union Square

Over­heard by: Er­i­ca Fuld

Hur­ried young guy on cell: Well, you can’t just sniff any­one’s vagi­na!

–W 52nd b/w 9th & 10th Ave

Gay on phone: But what does her vag look like?

–Chelsea

Over­heard by: Liz

Noth­ing Is Re­al and Noth­ing to Get Hung About

Ston­er #1: Man, this is an awe­some place to come and get stoned.
Ston­er #2: Dude, to­tal­ly. This is what John Lennon was all about.
Ac­tu­al Lennon fan near­by: Shut the fuck up! This is sa­cred land! Do not make me get Yoko Ono to fuck you two up!
Ston­er #1: Geez, calm down.
Ston­er #2: Se­ri­ous­ly. Like, give peace a chance or what­ev­er.

–Straw­ber­ry Fields, Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Re­bec­ca M