Archive for 2016

So Probably Was Just Very Tan

Black New Yorker guy and two white tourist ladies have a lengthy conversation about different places to visit in NYC.

Black guy: Okay, ladies, this is my stop. Bye!
White tourist lady #1: Bye! Have a great day! [To friend, as man departs at Astor Place] I didn’t feel threatened by him at all. He was actually a very nice man.

–6 train

Have a Happy Kwanzaakkah!

Waiter: Hey, wassup? I’m Sean. What’s your name?
Girl: Rebecca. Nice to meet you.
Waiter: And you, man?
Guy: Kwanzaa.
Waiter: Hey, by any change you are mixed with Jewish?
Guy: Er, no, everything but.
Waiter: Well…’cause, you know, I’m Jewish.
Guy: …Okay.
Waiter: Uh, ’cause you know, Kwanzaa’s a Jewish Holiday?
Girl: It is? Wow, I didn’t know that. 

–Diner 24, 8th Avenue

Overheard by: enkie

She Has Six Months Left to LiveJournal

Doctor guy: Okay, we have the chest x‑ray and it explains what’s going on. See this lesion? It is pretty impressive.
Patient lady: “Impresssive”? Is that a medical term? Am I gonna have to google that, too? 

–Office, 71st & Park

Overheard by: Next exam room

Wednesday Undie-Liners

College girl on cell: So as of last weekend I’ve pledged to be celibate for a year…although on second thought, it should really start today. I got pretty trashed last night and this morning I couldn’t find the underwear I was wearing yesterday.

–Church St

Overheard by: Emma

20-something woman: Did you enjoy the bra fitting? Old lady grab your bits?

–Outside Town Shop

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Elderly woman examining bras: What’s with all this padding? I got my own damn titties!

–H&M, 5th Ave

Overheard by: titti-less

Eight-year-old in a suit jacket on cell, strutting around the store: Did you see any hot, sexy girls? Yeah, but were they hot and sexy? Where are you, man? Are you still in the underwear aisle? Yeah, but are you still by the panties? (louder) The panties!

–Barnes & Noble, Tribeca

Overheard by: emdeebee

Trashy girl walking funny: Well, I guess I should have worn underwear.

–Arthur Ave

I Got Their Phone Numbers, Though

College boy #1: So, I went to this comedy club last night to see some friend’s routine..
College boy #2: Yeah?
College boy #1: Yeah. They were pretty good, but these girls also did a routine, and girls are never funny. And these girls were fat, too, so there was just really no upside to it.
College boy #2: Right.

–Dodge Fitness Center, Columbia University

Wednesday One-Liners Still Can’t Get Over Joey Picking Pacey (That Dumb Bitch)

Girl on cell: We got Chinese cable because it was cheaper than the cheap cable…Yeah, it’s all in Chinese…Whatever. As long as I watch things that I’ve already seen, I don’t need to actually know what they’re saying.

–N train, Astoria

Queer, on cell: Have you seen Victoria’s boyfriend lately? He looks great. She’s better than Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

–Eckerd, Astoria

Mother, to kids: Sorry we just missed the fireworks, guys. It’s okay, though. I TiVoed it at home just in case.

–79th St entrance, FDR

Tourist, after eagerly struggling for camera air-time: You know what, Ma, I don’t think we’re gonna be able to watch this — it only airs today.

–Taping of the Today Show, Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Stephen and Allison

Girl: Well, today they had a woman who was born a man who married a man who was born a woman, so don’t shit on Maury Povich!

–New York Public Library

Overheard by: Actually READING at the Library

Guy: Sweet Sixteen? That show makes me understand terrorism.

–114th & Broadway

…But Now I’m Balls-Deep in Rainbow Town

Construction worker #1: Yeah, it was great. Got to sit on that ridge and look out and see a rainbow. Do you get any rainbows in El Salvador?
Construction worker #2: No, we don’t get rainbows there.

–45th & 5th

Overheard by: Clint