Archive for 2016

Re­al Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Don’t Smile

Thug, yelling to moth­er and kids walk­ing away: Nah, kids don’t scare me off. I love kids. I plan on get­ting like tree-four women preg­nant by this sum­mer.

–Nos­trand Ave, Bed-Stuy

Over­heard by: rick

Thug: Damn. You got­ta go all the way down­town just to get a slice of fuck­ing red vel­vet.

–Brook­dale Hos­pi­tal, Brook­lyn

Thug teen: Yo, if I’­ma pay six bucks for a meal, that shit bet­ter be grand.

–R Train

Over­heard by: Jon A.

Thug yelling to group: I don’t care who hears this! Red­heads fuck like black chicks!

–7th Ave

Thug: You fuckin’ moth­er­fuck­er! (pause, then re­gret­ful­ly) I love you.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Broth­a’Love

Cut Your Loss­es and Run!

Girl: Oh my god! That guy over there across the street — I went out with him last Sat­ur­day! We made plans for this week­end, and when I asked him what was up he told me he had to go home to Long Is­land ’cause his grand­moth­er was sick.
Guy friend: The one with his arm around that girl? Clear­ly, he was ly­ing.
Girl: No shit. C’­mon, let’s cross the street.

They cross the street.

Girl: Oh my god! Alex*! Wow, this is fun­ny.
Alex: Oh… Jen­ny*… Hi… What are you do­ing here?

In­tro­duc­tions are made all around.

Jen­ny: So, how’s your grand­moth­er? I take it you saw her this week­end?
Girl with Alex: Yeah, Alex, how is your grand­moth­er? You saw her two week­ends in a row? You are quite the de­vot­ed grand­son.
Jen­ny’s guy friend: Dude, you are so fucked.

–Low­er East Side

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for the Bush Ad­min­is­tra­tion

Man to cry­ing woman he just chased down the street: What did you want me to do?! Lie and say that you’re a good writer?

–25th & Madi­son

Over­heard by: Jo­ce­lyn

Chick to friend: But I on­ly lie when I know no one will find out!

–Union Square

Kid to friends, re­peat­ed­ly: Yo — an­i­mals… They don’t know how to lie.

–6th St, be­tween 1st Ave & Ave A

Over­heard by: an­tho­ny rec­chia

Bim­bette: Yeah, I’ve been to hun­dreds of Catholic church­es… I still lie.

–St. Patrick­’s Cathe­dral

Over­heard by: are you proud of this?