Archive for 2016

Real Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Smile

Thug, yelling to mother and kids walking away: Nah, kids don’t scare me off. I love kids. I plan on getting like tree-four women pregnant by this summer.

–Nostrand Ave, Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: rick

Thug: Damn. You gotta go all the way downtown just to get a slice of fucking red velvet.

–Brookdale Hospital, Brooklyn

Thug teen: Yo, if I’ma pay six bucks for a meal, that shit better be grand.

–R Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Thug yelling to group: I don’t care who hears this! Redheads fuck like black chicks!

–7th Ave

Thug: You fuckin’ motherfucker! (pause, then regretfully) I love you.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Brotha’Love

Cut Your Losses and Run!

Girl: Oh my god! That guy over there across the street — I went out with him last Saturday! We made plans for this weekend, and when I asked him what was up he told me he had to go home to Long Island ’cause his grandmother was sick.
Guy friend: The one with his arm around that girl? Clearly, he was lying.
Girl: No shit. C’mon, let’s cross the street.

They cross the street.

Girl: Oh my god! Alex*! Wow, this is funny.
Alex: Oh… Jenny*… Hi… What are you doing here?

Introductions are made all around.

Jenny: So, how’s your grandmother? I take it you saw her this weekend?
Girl with Alex: Yeah, Alex, how is your grandmother? You saw her two weekends in a row? You are quite the devoted grandson.
Jenny’s guy friend: Dude, you are so fucked.

–Lower East Side

Wednesday One-Liners for the Bush Administration

Man to crying woman he just chased down the street: What did you want me to do?! Lie and say that you’re a good writer?

–25th & Madison

Overheard by: Jocelyn

Chick to friend: But I only lie when I know no one will find out!

–Union Square

Kid to friends, repeatedly: Yo — animals… They don’t know how to lie.

–6th St, between 1st Ave & Ave A

Overheard by: anthony recchia

Bimbette: Yeah, I’ve been to hundreds of Catholic churches… I still lie.

–St. Patrick’s Cathedral

Overheard by: are you proud of this?