Teen girl to girl friend: Hey, when are we getting our matching tattoos?
Guy friend to another: She’s so serious.
–Duane Reade
Archive for 2016
Q: What’s Black and White and Red All Over? A: An Embarrassed Wednesday One-Liner
Girl to friend: Oh, my God, I think I just left the most embarrassing thing in the bathroom.
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: V
Woman to roommate: When we get home, we’ll have embarrassing sexual accidents!
–Pathmark, Massapequa
Overheard by: Are they really accidents if you plan ahead?
Nerdy TA: The thesis talk is kind of like the sex talk. It’s a little embarrassing, no one really wants to give it, but it’ll make you grow as adults.
–Columbia University
Girl to friend: I’m not embarrassed that I peed in his bed. I’m just not.
–Columbia University
Girl on cell: I saw it and I thought, “how embarrassing would it be riding on a bike with a nun.”
–Grand Central
Overheard by: galgal
She Used The Rules to Line Her Bird’s Cage
20-ish guy: So, I should just ask: Can I come in and fuck your brains out?
20-ish girl: You don’t have to be all Tarantino about it, but yeah.
–44th & Broadway
Overheard by: Esther
Their Sex Life Is Kind of a Downer
Lazy guy on bike: My tailbone hurts.
Lazy girl on bike: My vagina bones hurt.
–East Village
I Use Mine as a Vacation Home
Girl #1: Oh, I thought it was a purse.
Girl #2: Yeah, but I like it as a skirt, too.
–Urban Outfitters
Overheard by: sweetchuck
And Buy Some Baggy Jeans
Dirty old hobo to passing tourist girl: Mmm, mmm, mmm… I could eat for three days off your fat pussy.
Tourist girl: I’m not fat!
Dirty old hobo: No, but your pussy sure is.
Tourist girl, rushing away: I’m gonna cry.
–Soho
It’s Those Pants That’ll Need Changing
Girl #1: Sorry I’m late. I was constipated.
Girl #2: Do you want to take your shirt off?
–21st & 3rd
A Nice Pair of Wednesday One-liners
Woman on cell: My boobs aren’t ready for this cold weather. They’re still too new.
–56th st. between 7th Ave & Broadway
Store manager: You can’t have a full facing of titties here. You just can’t.
–Jim Hanley’s Universe, 33rd & 5th
Overheard by: Vito Delsante
Nothing Is Real and Nothing to Get Hung About
Stoner #1: Man, this is an awesome place to come and get stoned.
Stoner #2: Dude, totally. This is what John Lennon was all about.
Actual Lennon fan nearby: Shut the fuck up! This is sacred land! Do not make me get Yoko Ono to fuck you two up!
Stoner #1: Geez, calm down.
Stoner #2: Seriously. Like, give peace a chance or whatever.
–Strawberry Fields, Central Park
Overheard by: Rebecca M
Would That Have Been Better? Discuss.
Girl #1: When is she having the baby?
Girl #2: Real soon… I wouldn’t be surprised if she had it today!
Girl #3: I hope it’s a boy.
Girl #2: No. If it is, she’s giving it up for adoption. For real. I stood over her and saw her sign the papers. She should’ve just gotten an abortion.
–L Train
Overheard by: Jayboi
