Pizza dude, about patron who just left: He hasn’t killed anyone yet, but…
Cop: Oh, no he has. He went to prison for manslaughter. He’s got a record this thick. (indicates 2 inches)
–Artichoke Pizza
Archive for 2016
If Only the Production Crew Of The Hills Could Do This
Hyper teenage blonde: Hey, know what I just realized?
20-something blonde sister: Okay, wait. In the interest of saving time, I’m gonna pull my hand back like so before you start talking. Now you can go ahead and say what you wanted to say, but just know that if it’s something ignorant or retarded, I’m gonna slap you out of your shoes and right off the sidewalk, and then keep slapping you until we get home. Is whatever you want to say worth it?
(long pause)
Hyper teenage blonde: No?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Really want to know what she was gonna say
Where’d You Get That Prominent Ribcage?
Black guy #1 to passing white girl: Where’d you get that nice big ass? Your mother give you that ass?
Black guy #2: Naw, man. White girl don’t wanna hear she got a big ass. Only black girls wanna hear that shit.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: DZW
I Haven’t Decided What I’m Against Yet
Tourist taking picture of guy with ‘Overthrow’ shaved into back of his head: So, is Overthrow your rap name?
Guy: Nah, Overthrow — that’s my movement. I’m a general. Five-star general — see the five stars [shaved into sideburns]?
–DUMBO
Overheard by: Mrs Parker’s 4th Grade Class
The JDating Of Wednesday One-Liners
JAP girl on line: Why would I be boogieing at temple?
–H&M
Overheard by: Sandjiggie
Redhead JAP: It’s too bright, I can’t hear you…
–41st & 3rd
JAP: Is saving the whales still, like, a thing?
–F Train
20-something JAP on cell: I mean: I don’t want to say that I live in a bubble, but the only people I’ve spoken to in the last week and a half are you and my doorman.
–42nd St & Lexington
Overheard by: Pete
…With a Faint Tinge of White Castle
Pretty girl #1 in parking lot of zoo: Yep, it smells like zoo here.
Pretty girl #2: Well, I just farted.
Pretty girl #1, walking a few feet: Nope, still smells like zoo.
–Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Ashley and Daria
And Kicks Me When I Call Her a Stupid Hoe!
Woman: And how are things with your girlfriend, hm? What is she like?
Guy: Well… she does have a big nose.
Woman: Her nose? Why are you concerned about her nose? It’s her personality that matters!
Guy: But she always hits me whenever I mention it!
–5th Ave
Overheard by: the art major
But They Have the Cutest Little Raspy Voices!
New girlfriend: My cat has asthma.
New boyfriend: Your cat has asthma?
New girlfriend: Yeah. That’s why I quit smoking.
New boyfriend: You really need to get rid of those fucking cats.
–Movie Theater Line
Overheard by: Cindee
If You’re Very Good, a Straight Man
Woman moving through train: Not a gentleman.
Man: When you start acting like a lady, I’ll start acting like a man.
–L Train
Overheard by: jau522
They Mean the Same Thing: That the User Has No Penis
20-Something dude #1: Do you still use “lol” online?
20-Something dude #2: Nah, I use “omg” instead.
–10th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope
