If Only the Production Crew Of The Hills Could Do This

Hyper teenage blonde: Hey, know what I just realized?
20-something blonde sister: Okay, wait. In the interest of saving time, I’m gonna pull my hand back like so before you start talking. Now you can go ahead and say what you wanted to say, but just know that if it’s something ignorant or retarded, I’m gonna slap you out of your shoes and right off the sidewalk, and then keep slapping you until we get home. Is whatever you want to say worth it?
(long pause)
Hyper teenage blonde: No?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Really want to know what she was gonna say

Where’d You Get That Prominent Ribcage?

Black guy #1 to passing white girl: Where’d you get that nice big ass? Your mother give you that ass?
Black guy #2: Naw, man. White girl don’t wanna hear she got a big ass. Only black girls wanna hear that shit.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: DZW

I Haven’t Decided What I’m Against Yet

Tourist taking picture of guy with ‘Overthrow’ shaved into back of his head: So, is Overthrow your rap name?
Guy: Nah, Overthrow — that’s my movement. I’m a general. Five-star general — see the five stars [shaved into sideburns]?

–DUMBO

Overheard by: Mrs Parker’s 4^th Grade Class

The JDating Of Wednesday One-Liners

JAP girl on line: Why would I be boogieing at temple?

–H&M

Overheard by: Sandjiggie

Redhead JAP: It’s too bright, I can’t hear you…

–41^st & 3^rd

JAP: Is saving the whales still, like, a thing?

–F Train

20-something JAP on cell: I mean: I don’t want to say that I live in a bubble, but the only people I’ve spoken to in the last week and a half are you and my doorman.

–42^nd St & Lexington

Overheard by: Pete

…With a Faint Tinge of White Castle

Pretty girl #1 in parking lot of zoo: Yep, it smells like zoo here.
Pretty girl #2: Well, I just farted.
Pretty girl #1, walking a few feet: Nope, still smells like zoo.

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Ashley and Daria

And Kicks Me When I Call Her a Stupid Hoe!

Woman: And how are things with your girlfriend, hm? What is she like?
Guy: Well… she does have a big nose.
Woman: Her nose? Why are you concerned about her nose? It’s her personality that matters!
Guy: But she always hits me whenever I mention it!

–5^th Ave

Overheard by: the art major

But They Have the Cutest Little Raspy Voices!

New girlfriend: My cat has asthma.
New boyfriend: Your cat has asthma?
New girlfriend: Yeah. That’s why I quit smoking.
New boyfriend: You really need to get rid of those fucking cats.

–Movie Theater Line

Overheard by: Cindee

If You’re Very Good, a Straight Man

Woman moving through train: Not a gentleman.
Man: When you start acting like a lady, I’ll start acting like a man.

–L Train

Overheard by: jau522

They Mean the Same Thing: That the User Has No Penis

20-Something dude #1: Do you still use “lol” online?
20-Something dude #2: Nah, I use “omg” instead.

–10^th St & 7^th Ave, Park Slope

Paging Doctor Freud

Woman pushing stroller: Mama!
Baby: Papa!
Woman: Mama!
Baby: Papa!
Woman: No papa, mama!
Baby: Papa!
Woman: Can you say mama?
Baby: Papa!

–103^rd and Columbus

Overheard In New York

Archive for 2016