Archive for 2016

Choose Your Own Dating Adventure

Hag: I see her point, I think that’s why I don’t have a boyfriend either. I’m just too high maintenence.
Queer: Ha! Girl, you are not high maintenance, you are just plain old needy.

–17th & 5th

Overheard by: Thirsty Violet

Woman: You are not needy, you are so worth it!

–Elephant and Castle, Greenwich Avenue

Overheard by: wecantdraw

He’d Better Get the Lube Out of the Barrel First

Queer: Could you deliver these?
Attendant guy #1: What’s the address?
Attendant guy #2: He lives [at 985 5th Avenue].
Queer: How do you know that?
Attendant guy #1: This is my friend the stalker.
Attendant guy #2: I have a friend who lives there, so I’ve seen you walking in and out.
Queer: Well, the guy who lives above me has a license to carry a gun, and he always does…I have his number on my speed dial.

–Montague Wines, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Da rat

Why DVD Rentals Are So Popular

Mom: Are you okay in there, sweetie?
Little girl in stall: I can’t button my pants.
Mom: It’s alright. Just come on out.
Little girl in stall: And I pooped on the floor.

–Bathroom, AMC Theatres, Times Square

Ms. Potter Is Kiln Herself

Indie guy #1: Yeah, man, the lady in the computer lab at school is weird.
Indie guy #2: How so?
Indie guy #1: She told me she hasn't been to sleep in two days… And her eyebrows were singed.

–Central Park

Wednesday One-Liners, Literally

Man on cell, authoritatively: Ejaculate!

–14th b/w 3rd & 4th

Mother to curious little girl reaching out to touch Wall Street bull's testicles: No! (yanks her away)

–Bowling Green

Woman shouting across a grassy field: Slutbots!

–McCarren Park, Brooklyn

(intercom beeps 10 times)
Train conductor, over intercom: Shit.
(intercom continues to beep)

–Hudson Line Train

Man on bike speeding along Brooklyn Bridge walkway: Pussyhoooollleeeeee!

–Brooklyn Bridge

Quiet, older gentleman sipping coffee, leafing through newspaper: Motherfuckers!

–Barnes & Noble Coffee Bar, Broadway

Overheard by: Suze V