Archive for 2016

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Suit Up

Suit on cell: I ex­pect­ed pus, but it’s got lit­tle black specks in it.

–Pel­ham Bay Park, the Bronx

Over­heard by: HelenA.Handbasket

Suit: When I said “fairy tale” I meant like Moth­er Goose–not Miss Dirty Mar­ti­ni!

–F train

Over­heard by: brain­curve

Suit #1 to suit #2: Oh sure, I’ve got a source. I can get you a kid­ney, no prob­lem.

–Madi­son Square Park

Fe­male suit on cell: I don’t think you’re hear­ing what I’m say­ing. I think you’re in a very nag­ging place right now.

–Du­ane & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Rich Mintz

Mid­dle-Aged suit: Boo­bies boo­bies boo­bies. Boo­bies boo­bies boo­bies…

–41st & 8th

Suit on cell: So there’s gonna be to­tal chaos on Sep­tem­ber 14th, but that’s all we have planned so far.

–Church St

Over­heard by: Dara

Suit: My goal in life is to one day sue some­one.

–A train

Over­heard by: LSB

That Way I Can Snack on It When I Get Bored

Girl #1: What does a brain tu­mor feel like? Cause I think I have one.
Girl #2: I don’t know, but that’s hor­ri­ble.
Girl #1: Yeah, it would suck a lot. It just feels like there’s a lump, in my brain. I’m re­al­ly out of shape, though, so I’m hop­ing the lump is just an­oth­er pile of fat build­ing up in my bod.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: pomy

Has­n’t That Ex­hib­it Been Done?

Cute girl to drunk friend sit­ting provoca­tive­ly with a miniskirt on: Sit up, Beth, your coochie’s hangin’ out.
Drunk friend: I can’t get up. (yelling) Does any­one on this train have a prob­lem with my vagi­na hang­ing out?
(train is silent)
Drunk friend: See? No one cares. Vagi­nas are like mod­ern art these days.
Cute girl: I guess.
Drunk friend: You could take a pic­ture of my snatch right now, frame it, make it look like Warhol, and it would sell in the Mo­MA for five thou­sand bucks. Hell, I should be charg­ing ad­mis­sion fees right now. Any­one who comes to see my snatch ex­hib­it and does­n’t buy a copy is a misog­y­nist.

–A Train