Archive for 2016

Just Keep a Clean Colon and This Job Could Be Yours

Jog­ging girl: I could see you be­ing a bot­tom if you had anal sex.
Jog­ging guy: What? Why?!
Jog­ging girl: Oh, just ’cause you’d be new at it.
Jog­ging guy: It’s not, like, an in­tern­ship!

–Park Slope

Over­heard by: La­dle

Wednes­di­verse Mul­ti-Lin­ers

Soul­ful black man: Well, think about this. A white man lived in Graceland, a black man lived in Nev­erland. (nods know­ing­ly)

–Down­town A Train

Over­heard by: Bear­sian

Gallery di­rec­tor to in­tern: So af­ter he was ar­rest­ed we sent a let­ter to Hen­ry Gates ask­ing him for mon­ey, you know, since we are a mul­ti­cul­tur­al or­ga­ni­za­tion.

–Low­er East Side Art Gallery

Lati­na to Lati­no: Lati­nos and black peo­ple can’t be racist. That’s, like, just white peo­ple.

–Red Hook, Brook­lyn

White hobo: When I see a black nig­ger to­geth­er with a white nig­ger, that just con­fus­es the hell out­ta me.

–Hous­ton & Clin­ton

Woman: She likes black dogs be­cause she’s black, and I like white dogs be­cause I’m white.

–Up­per West Side

Over­heard by: Yehu­da

Ac­cord­ing to the An­cient Law, You Snooze, You Lose

(pas­sen­gers start clos­ing bus win­dows be­cause of heavy rain)
Girl #1: That win­dow’s still open.
Girl #2 (reach­ing over sleep­ing girl and clos­ing it): Oh my god, I feel like I’m her sav­ior.
Girl #1: Uh-huh.
Girl #2: But now it’s re­al­ly hot. Should we open a win­dow?
Girl #1: Fine. (reach­es over and opens the win­dow next to the sleep­ing girl)
Girl #2: You’re evil.
Girl #1: Yeah, like you weren’t think­ing of do­ing the same ex­act thing.

–Bronx Sci­ence Val­lo Bus

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Turn the Me­ter On

Cab­bie, as man opens pas­sen­ger-side door: Wait. I am not men­tal­ly pre­pared for this!

–W 50th

Cab­bie on cell: Hel­lo? I’m go­ing to beat you up… ‘Cause I want to!

–23rd & Lex

Ex­as­per­at­ed cab­bie: Why is there a house dri­ving down De­lancey Street?

–De­lancey & Chrystie

Over­heard by: Les Chi­na­town

Cab­bie on cell: No, no, it is not pos­si­ble. I can­not pos­si­bly be back in the city by then — I am at the airport…I could maybe make it back in­to the city to see you in, like, two hours if traf­fic is­n’t bad in the Bronx. Man, the air­port is re­al­ly packed to­day.

–99th & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Laugh­ing in the back

Cab­bie, af­ter get­ting cut off by an­oth­er: God­damn cab­bies.

–30th & 5th