Archive for 2016

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers and Tigers and Bears–Oh, My!

Young woman to an­oth­er: But do you know how big a horse dick is?

–5th Ave & Car­roll, Park Slope

Girl: I’m re­al­ly tired. I’m, like, an an­i­mal ac­tivist right now.

–Park­ing Lot, Broad­way Mall

Over­heard by: Lysa

Stu­dent: I’m not that sen­si­tive. I can watch those videos where they like, tor­ture the an­i­mal or what­ev­er, and then I’ll go eat it.

–Car­do­zo Law School

Asian girl: Does this make me look like a sad Pan­da?

–NYU Din­ing Hall

Co­lum­bia girl: I’d nev­er have asked if I knew he was the one who’d killed it. But I did­n’t sus­pect him. Who’d spend their time stran­gling a ger­bil?

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Who’d have thought?

Gui­do to friend: Yo, it smells like a skunk burped up a hot dog.

–Penn Sta­tion

La­dy on speak­er: If you have an an­i­mal, please do not put it through the X‑ray.

–La­Guardia Air­port

Guess He’s Fucked, Ma’am

Moth­er: Hon­ey, do you want hum­mus or pro­sciut­to in your croque?
Seem­ing­ly adorable five-year-old son: Proshu­u­u­u­u­u­u­u­u­to!
(sev­er­al min­utes of them speak­ing French)
Moth­er to wait­er: He’s al­ler­gic to macadamia nuts and buck­wheat.

–Le Pain Quo­ti­di­en, 64th & Lex­ing­ton

“Het­ero­sex­u­al­i­ty” — New to the PSP

Guy #1: Oh my god, dude!
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: I just lost the game.
Guy #2: Fag­got!

–Hud­son & Leroy

Over­heard by: Ja­son Smith

Head­line by: David S

Run­ners-Up:
· “Af­ter Every Game in the De­troit Li­ons Lock­er Room” — Pe­terG
· “It’s All in the Wrist.” — Coy­oty
· “Thanks Over­heard, Now We’ve All Lost! Http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Game_(mind_game)” — Jen
· “This Is the Last Time Bob Played Ho­mo / No Ho­mo” — BabakganoosH
· “Well, the Game WAS “On­ly Hit on the Girls”…” — Pun­zie

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

It Does­n’t Lis­ten to Him Any­more

Guy: Haven’t seen you in a while.
Bar­ber: Yeah, I was hav­ing a prob­lem with my ton­sils. I was sick
for about 3 weeks.
Guy: You gonna have them out?
Bar­ber: Prob­a­bly. I should, but I’m chick­en. But I prob­a­bly got­ta.
Guy: I got this friend who went to the doc­tor, right? And the doc­tor said he had­da go get a colonoscopy. You shoul­da seen his face! He did­n’t go.
Bar­ber: You got­ta do it, though, be­fore things get worse.
Guy: Yeah, I think his colon did get worse.

–Man­hat­tan Uni­sex, Allen Street

Wednes­days Strap on Their One-Lin­ers

Woman walk­ing in­to apart­ment build­ing: Why did I get stuck car­ry­ing the bag of butt plugs?

–Green­point Ave

Hot girl on cell: You won’t die if you get stabbed by a dil­do. (pause) Well, even if it was a hook­er. What did you drink?

–Cook St & Bush­wick Ave

Over­heard by: cameo

Homie on Black­Ber­ry; No, no, peep this, I said “cock ring” and she says, “like the guy from the OJ tri­al?” I’m dead se­ri­ous!

–Rock­afeller Plaza

At­trac­tive 20-some­thing to friend: Got hit with a sex toy!

–Pil­low Fight, Union Square

Over­heard by: An­na P.

Girl to four friends: And then I saw my old wood­en dil­do. It was wood­en!

–37th St & 8th Ave

20-some­thing girl: This is the most ex­cit­ing thing to hap­pen to­day! And that’s say­ing some­thing, con­sid­er­ing to­day was a day that in­clud­ed buy­ing sex toys!

–Top­shop