Archive for May, 2017

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Pre­fer “Pleas­ant­ly Plump”

Guy on phone: That’s not the prob­lem, straight guys who are fat­ter than me get laid all the time.

–Time Warn­er Cen­ter

Man on cell: Of course I’ll rec­og­nize you! Un­less you got fat!

–Sheep­’s Mead­ow, Cen­tral Park

Gay black man: Uh uh. Girl, her fat ass will so not make it. You bet­ter not bring her here.

–Bleeck­er & Broad­way

Over­heard by: fel­low fa­tass

Ex­cit­ed young teen on cell: Dad! Guess what celebri­ty we just met?! The Weight Watch­ers la­dy! No, the old one! Yeah, Kirstie Al­ley! We got her au­to­graph! She’s re­al fat now! We met her in the choco­late store!

–W Broad­way & Spring

Over­heard by: JR

Fat chick: Do not tell me I’m not a size 4!

–Cen­tral Park West

Over­heard by: Rich H

White Folks Still Claim Je­sus Was A Crack­er

Teen boy: Do you know where I can find those Com­mu­nion wafers? I want to eat them with sal­sa.
Friend: Um, you can’t just eat those. It’s the body of Christ.

–Rock­e­feller Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Ja­son
Head­line by: Bored Be­yond Be­lief

Run­ners-Up:
· “Be­sides, Three Days Lat­er You’ll Be Hun­gry Again” — Sparky
· “…And Af­ter Three days, He Arose, with Crav­ing for Pi­co de Gal­lo” — Russ Wall
· “…And They’re 2000 Years Past Their Ex­pi­ra­tion Date” — John
· “And Stop Putting Salt on the Rim of the Chal­ice” — Amy Stephen­son
· “Betcha Can’t Tran­sub­stan­ti­ate Just One” — chris
· “Body of Sa­tan Has More Tang Any­way” — Jes­si­ca
· “Friends Don’t Let Friends Go to Church Stoned” — Pix
· “If Je­sus Want­ed Us to Eat Him with Sal­sa, He’d Be Ap­pear­ing on Tor­tillas.… Oh… Wait.” — ile­manz­er
· “Look for the Bag Marked ‘Cor­pus Crispy’ ” — Slept thru the Ser­mon
· “My God Stays Crunchy in Milk” — Bene­dict
· “That’s What You Said about the Last Donut, Too” — SDP
· “The Next Spe­cial In­gre­di­ent on Iron Chef” — dan
· “They’re Best Served with Dog­ma” — zg
· “Try the Taco Bells of St. Mary’s” — jules

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Puts the ‘Narc’ in Nar­cis­sism

Girl look­ing in mir­ror: You know what? I would make a re­al­ly good-look­ing crack whore.
Boy: What? … Prob­a­bly.

–We­in­stein Res­i­dence Hall, NYU

Over­heard by: Emi­ly

Head­line by: Ethan

Run­ners-Up:

· “All he heard was “whore”” — Marigu­mi

· “Hold­ing the mir­ror be­tween her legs” — anne nahm

· “I’ll agree with what­ev­er gets me laid” — Dustin

· “Lose a few teef, add a few bruis­es, I be shinin’ ” — Din­go­lite

· “This Is Your Brain on Ug­gs” — NK


Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test