Archive for May, 2017

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer “Pleasantly Plump”

Guy on phone: That’s not the problem, straight guys who are fatter than me get laid all the time.

–Time Warner Center

Man on cell: Of course I’ll recognize you! Unless you got fat!

–Sheep’s Meadow, Central Park

Gay black man: Uh uh. Girl, her fat ass will so not make it. You better not bring her here.

–Bleecker & Broadway

Overheard by: fellow fatass

Excited young teen on cell: Dad! Guess what celebrity we just met?! The Weight Watchers lady! No, the old one! Yeah, Kirstie Alley! We got her autograph! She’s real fat now! We met her in the chocolate store!

–W Broadway & Spring

Overheard by: JR

Fat chick: Do not tell me I’m not a size 4!

–Central Park West

Overheard by: Rich H

White Folks Still Claim Jesus Was A Cracker

Teen boy: Do you know where I can find those Communion wafers? I want to eat them with salsa.
Friend: Um, you can’t just eat those. It’s the body of Christ.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Jason
Headline by: Bored Beyond Belief 

· “Besides, Three Days Later You’ll Be Hungry Again” — Sparky
· “…And After Three days, He Arose, with Craving for Pico de Gallo” — Russ Wall
· “…And They’re 2000 Years Past Their Expiration Date” — John
· “And Stop Putting Salt on the Rim of the Chalice” — Amy Stephenson
· “Betcha Can’t Transubstantiate Just One” — chris
· “Body of Satan Has More Tang Anyway” — Jessica
· “Friends Don’t Let Friends Go to Church Stoned” — Pix
· “If Jesus Wanted Us to Eat Him with Salsa, He’d Be Appearing on Tortillas.… Oh… Wait.” — ilemanzer
· “Look for the Bag Marked ‘Corpus Crispy’ ” — Slept thru the Sermon
· “My God Stays Crunchy in Milk” — Benedict
· “That’s What You Said about the Last Donut, Too” — SDP
· “The Next Special Ingredient on Iron Chef” — dan
· “They’re Best Served with Dogma” — zg
· “Try the Taco Bells of St. Mary’s” — jules

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Puts the ‘Narc’ in Narcissism

Girl looking in mirror: You know what? I would make a really good-looking crack whore.
Boy: What? … Probably.

–Weinstein Residence Hall, NYU

Overheard by: Emily

Headline by: Ethan


· “All he heard was “whore”” — Marigumi

· “Holding the mirror between her legs” — anne nahm

· “I’ll agree with whatever gets me laid” — Dustin

· “Lose a few teef, add a few bruises, I be shinin’ ” — Dingolite

· “This Is Your Brain on Uggs” — NK

Click here to see the new Headline Contest