Archive for May, 2017

They Can’t Even Dri­ve You Any­where!

Cry­ing scream­ing In­di­an girl: I am so sick of this! I do so much for you, you mean every­thing to me and I am so sick of this! I was there for you! Noth­ing mat­tered to you!
Asian ex-boyfriend: Um­mm…
In­di­an girl: And I am so tired of you choos­ing them over me. Al­ways choos­ing the Asian girls over me! It nev­er mat­ters, be­cause you al­ways choose the Asians!

–NYU Sil­ver Cen­ter

Every Hunter Longs to Be­come the Hunt­ed

Teenage girl: So I’m get­ting bet­ter at hook­ing up with guys and not get­ting at­tached! I hooked up with Jake last week, and I don’t feel any­thing at all!
Friend: Yeah, but that’s not hard. He’s, like, im­pos­si­ble to get at­tached to. We need to find you a chal­lenge. Who’s re­al­ly cute and cud­dly?
Ran­dom old man walk­ing in front of them: Pick me, pick me!

–Port Au­thor­i­ty Bus Ter­mi­nal

Over­heard by: cute and cud­dly

Take a Page from Wednes­day One-Lin­ers…

Woman on cell phone: Lis­ten. It’s a fuck­ing book club. We all read the same god­damn book, and then we dis­cuss it. What don’t you get? Are you freakin’ stu­pid? This is sup­posed to be a nice god­damn thing we can do to­geth­er!

–E Train

Over­heard by: home­sick

Mid­dle-aged guy to an­oth­er: I don’t par­tic­u­lar­ly like get­ting books as gifts, it makes me feel ob­lig­at­ed to read them.

–96th Street Crosstown Bus

Guy hand­ing out pam­phlets: The pas­sion of Sir Shiz­zle Man­iz­zle! Come read the pas­sion of sir Shiz­zle Man­iz­zle! (no one takes the pam­phlets)

–13th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Fi­ammet­ta

20-some­thing hip­ster, dis­mis­sive­ly: Naw, they prob­a­bly just wan­na read books or some­thing.

–Green­point Ave & Man­hat­tan Ave