British girl: What were you just talking about?
Queer: Oh, we’re talking about hypothetical blowjobs.
British girl: Whatever. I don’t have time for hypotheticals anymore.
–BBQ, DeKalb & Clermont
Archive for June, 2017
Ask Her If She Knows Lena
Two guys are speaking Russian.
Girl: Are you guys from Russia?
Guy #1: Yes.
Girl: No way! My grandma’s from Germany.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: MP
To Confuse Assassins
Confused little boy looking at dozens of Santas in Santacon: I thought there is only one Santa Claus.
Mother: Those are Santa’s helpers. Santa can’t do everything by himself.
Little boy: But why are they dressed like Santa?
Mother, exasperated: I don’t know.
–3 train, Times Square
Overheard by: Eric Kuo
The “Hello, My Name Is” Sticker Was the First Hint
Girlfriend snaps a photo of her tourist boyfriend, posing under a street sign.
Guy: Looking good, Perry.
Tourist: How did he know my…? Oh.
–Perry & Greenwich
Overheard by: Bonno
And Not in a Hip, Autistic Way, Either.
Little kid: Hey, mom! Check it out! (chokes himself with own hands)
Mom: Oh, don’t do that, honey, you’ll damage your brain!
–State St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ben
Now Cover Your Eyes While I Disintegrate That Nice Waitress
Little boy: But how do I know you’re not part of the Martian menace?
Dad, deadpan: You don’t.
–110th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Alexandra
Wednesday One-liners Ain’t Too Proud to Beg
Hobo: You like rap? I started that shit. I did. I started that rap shit. Way before hip-hop. You don’t like rap, you ain’t shit.
–4 train
Overheard by: Aaron
The Wednesday One-Liners behind the Badge
Male cop to another: Did I tell you today how much I love you?
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: Egon
Thug jumping onto train just as doors were closing: Yo, what train is this? Nah, I don’t care as long as the cops didn’t see me.
–C train, Penn Station
Overheard by: go rangers!
Cop car loudspeaker to random driver: Please use your turn signal when you make an illegal left turn and cut off the bus causing an accident.
–8th & University
Overheard by: misspenny
Conductor: Do not go in between cars at any time, whether or not the train is moving. This is becoming a police state. That’s why I’m outta here.
–S train, Grand Central
Overheard by: Hametuka
We’ve Found Her Running Mate
Bike guy: Hey girl, I really like your red hair
Chick: Yeah, me too. That’s why I dye it. But I don’t like it nearly as much as I like not being interrupted when I am tryng to talk to someone.
–St. Marks & 3rd
Overheard by: ~dana
Tell Me Your Name and We’ll Go from There
Meathead #1: I am so getting my dick sucked by the end of the day.
Meathead #2: I’ll make sure of it, dude.
Meathead #1: (silence)
–Grand Central
Overheard by: DrNels
