Husband to wife: I can’t tell if this is a circus or a zoo.
Random gay passerby: Oh my god! It’s a zoo!
Wife to husband: Well, I guess that clears that up.
–The Armory Show, Pier 94
Husband to wife: I can’t tell if this is a circus or a zoo.
Random gay passerby: Oh my god! It’s a zoo!
Wife to husband: Well, I guess that clears that up.
–The Armory Show, Pier 94
Hobo to girl who just gave him a two-dollar bill: Would you look at that, two dollars! Thomas Jefferson is on this bill. He was a queen. That’s right, he was a gay old faggot.
(girl walks away very quickly) Do you want to help me and Thomas Jefferson go to Hawaii? That’s right! Hawai-iiiiiii!
–13th & 6th
Teenage boy #1: I saw you with Shanequa yesterday.
Teenage boy #2: No, that was Tamequa.
Teenage boy #3: Man… If I meet another ‑equa I’m gonna kill somebody.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Zetspat
Gap employee #1: What’s your major again?
Gap employee #2: French studies.
Gap employee #1: Oh yeah, you’re all into London and shit, right?
–The Gap
Voice over employee’s walkie-talkie: Okay, I really need those guns. Anyone who has one, I need it down in bridal.
–Bed Bath & Beyond
Obnoxious woman: So I said, “motherfucker, I’m not your sister–I’m your cousin. So I will shoot you.”
–Uptown 2 Train
Large black man: If you ain’t got no bullets, you gotsta melee!
–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th
Overheard by: Zach
Wannabe hip-hopper, trying to sell CD: It’s clean music, and I ain’t never shot no one!
–Union Square
20-something guy on cell: They got no right to bring up that gun charge, it’s over ten years old!
–19th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Emily Davidson
Dude, after chatting to policewoman: I just have a thing for women in uniform! My mind says, “no, no, settle down,” and my penis says, “but she’s got a gun!”
–Hudson & Laight
Soccer fan #1, disturbed by screaming children while watching World Cup: Where the hell did all these kids come from?
Soccer fan #2, still watching screen: My guess is various wombs.
–Sports Bar, Red Hook
Overheard by: KP Whitey
Bro, out of SUV window: I sold my ass on Craigslist and I’m proud of it!
–5th Ave & Union St, Brooklyn
Store clerk: Everyone, listen up. Do not let your children wander around the store. Any unattended children will be sold to Nike.
–Costume Shop, Union Square
Overheard by: hatalie
Thug on subway: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. I’m here sellin’ candy cause it’s better than sellin’ drugs. I got snickers, M&Ms…
–L Train
Overheard by: I’ll take the M&M’s
Hipster to friend: Wait, so the guy who used to sell him blow is now a character witness in his rape case?
–Throop Ave & Ellery
Drunk tourist flirt: It was verrry nice meeting you all, and I hope to see you all again real soon! [Shakes hands with local teens, then leaves.]Local teen, to friends: Yo, she wanna fuck e’rybody!
–4 train
Overheard by: Not Me
Headline by: VeggieGirl
Runners-Up:
· “As If We Need to Import That or Something” — gib
· “I Went to NY and All I Got Was Bukkake” — Ken H.
· “Reader Survey: Britney, Paris, or Lindsey? Vote Now!” — Fleetline
· “She Ran Out Of Folks to Fuck Back in Iowa.” — Redneck Jedi
· “Southern Hospitality Is the Shizzle” — The Heiress
Boy, after watching An Inconvenient Truth: Do you believe in god?
Girl: I believe in mother nature.
Boy: You don’t believe in god?
Girl: I mean, I do… But I believe this is happening because of nature.
Boy: But you believe in her?
Girl: What?
Boy: Mother nature?
Girl: Mother nature is not like a person… It’s just a saying for nature.
Boy: Wait… What? Oh… (pause) I thought she was like a tree or something.
–Regal Cinema, Union Square
Overheard by: Noeman Samdani
Young Hispanic boy: Don’t eat Dominican sushi.
Young Hispanic girl #1: Why?
Young Hispanic girl #2: Because… It’s got salami in it!
–Havemeyer & South 1st, Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Overheard by: macdaddynyc
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist