Archive for 2017

Aww, a Hap­py End­ing!

Man: Gr­rr… Watch it, la­dy, don’t push me with your bag!
La­dy: Sor­ry, sir, this is a crowd­ed bus and it’s win­ter.
Man: Yeah, it’s win­ter, mer­ry Christ­mas.
La­dy: Yeah, Christ­mas, every­body’s full of hol­i­day cheer.
Man: Yeah, hol­i­days, god bless Amer­i­ca.
La­dy: Yeah, god bless Amer­i­ca.

–M34 Bus

Over­heard by: M34ista

I’m Guess­ing Some­place in Long Is­land

Chick #1: Hey, guess what I found out?
Chick #2: What?
Chick #1: Bugs Bun­ny is from Brook­lyn!
Chick #2: That’s bull­shit. Last time I checked, Bugs Bun­ny lived in a hole, not a brown­stone.
Chick #1: Ha, ha! I love you. I swear, you’re so wit­ty some­times. I’m not even kid­ding.
Chick #2: I know, right? I don’t know where I come up with this stuff.

–Rock­e­feller Plaza

Wow, “Long Is­land” and “Bet­ter” in One Dis­cus­sion

Suit #1: How long have you lived here?
Suit #2: How old are you? Prob­a­bly longer than you have been alive.
Suit #1: Born and raised in New York, huh?
Suit #2: No, a farm in PA. Got the fuck out of there, though. Met a girl from New York–well ac­tu­al­ly, Long Island–married her and moved out here. Thought she had mon­ey. Yeah…fooled the shit out of me.
Suit #3: Ha, you were that close to be­ing bet­ter than all of us.

–Wall & Wa­ter

So Much for Learn­ing by Os­mo­sis

Re­cep­tion­ist of 30 years: Is ‘law­suit’ one word or two?
In­tern: Uh, I be­lieve it’s two.
Re­cep­tion­ist, to her­self: Law­suit. Law­suit. Law­suit. It should be two. I al­ways won­dered why they called it a suit. It does­n’t wear a jack­et or pants. Oh, but the at­tor­neys do. Maybe that’s why — be­cause the at­tor­neys have to wear suits to court. Wow, I can’t be­lieve I fig­ured that out af­ter so many years.
Boss, walk­ing in from next of­fice: So! Lin­da! Have you thought some more about the re­tire­ment pack­age you were of­fered?

–Law firm, Mid­town