Archive for 2017

Pepé Le Pew’s Scen­ti­men­tal Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Hobo: Hey, ladies. [Girls gig­gle.] You smell so good — like Camp­bel­l’s soup!

–10th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Emi­ly

Man on cell: You tell your smelly sis­ters that they have to show­er tonight.

–39th & 5th

Queer hip­ster to fag hag: Oh my god, his pla­cen­ta stank!

–N train

Over­heard by: Lau­ren

Chick to friend: Shut up, or I’ll sniff you in a minute!

–Cen­tral Park

JAP: Ew, like — I like, washed my hair, like, this morn­ing… Why does it, like, smell? Ewww… That’s sooo bim­mey!

–1 train

Chip­per thugette: I smell pussy!

–L train, Bed­ford stop

She Means the Greeks

Chick: How come we’re al­ways talk­ing about how the Jews were per­se­cut­ed? Lots of peo­ple have been per­se­cut­ed. My peo­ple have been per­se­cut­ed, too.
Pro­fes­sor guy: Um…This is “In­tro­duc­tion to Jew­ish-Amer­i­can Lit­er­a­ture”.
Chick: …Yeah, but still.

–Wa­ver­ly Build­ing, Wa­ver­ly Place

Walt Whit­man: *Swoons*

Se­cu­ri­ty guard by ex­it: Bag­gage, bag­gage, bag­gage? Bag­gage claim this way.
In­ter­na­tion­al pas­sen­ger #1: Bag­gage, bag­gage! Bag­gage claim this way!
In­ter­na­tion­al pas­sen­ger #2: Bag­gage claim this way?
Se­cu­ri­ty guard: Bag­gage bag­gage bag­gage?
In­ter­na­tion­al pas­sen­ger #3: Bag­gage!
Se­cu­ri­ty guard: Bag­gage claim this way.

–Gate 20, Ter­mi­nal 3, JFK

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Here, They’re Queer, They’re Not Go­ing Any­where

Woman: And you are not a les­bian ei­ther! You are on­ly gay on week­ends.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Adam Bozarth

Teen girl: I know Jim­my’s not gay be­cause he stole my girl­friend.

–R train

Preach­er: Mark my words–by sun­rise you will be smoth­ered in les­bians.

–53rd & 5th

Over­heard by: Kaleena

Thought­ful guy: I al­ways thought that if I were gay I’d be the man­li­er one. But now that I think about it I’d want to be the girly one for all the free stuff.

–26th & 1st

Over­heard by: Charles

Guy on cell: Wait…Christ! It’s gay­er than three snaps in Z for­ma­tion in here.

–The Hangar, Christo­pher St

Over­heard by: TK

Mid­west­ern guy: That is com­plete bull­shit! How do you make a dog gay?

–Cen­tu­ry 21

Teen girl: It’s fun­ny talk­ing to him now. I mean, in the eighth grade we knew he was gay, but not take-it-up-the-butt gay.

–Up­town 1 train