Girl #1: I can’t believe you fucked him in my bed!
Girl #2: Well, I made sure that he didn’t cum on your sheets!
Girl #1: How thoughtful of you.
–Rivington & Allen
Overheard by: Snorted through my nose
Archive for 2017
(Sung to the Tune of The Hokey Pokey)
Thug on cell, after helping an old women with a walker out of the doorway: Yeah, man, you know me. Slashing tires and rapin’ women, that’s what I’m all about.
–Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: InnocentlyEvil
He Tricked Me!
Cute girl #1: So you know how my New Year’s resolution was to… keep my legs closed a little better?
Cute girl #2: Yes. I did know that. Good one.
Cute girl #1: Well, I had my first slip-up in upholding it.
Cute girl #2: But it’s January 2!
–Bleecker & Bowery
Overheard by: Unimpressed, but amused
Wednesday One-Liners Have a Crash Moment
Teen chick: You know, when I think about it, I really don’t know how she can be my sister. Our birthdays are exactly one month apart, and she’s light-skinned.
–B48 bus, Brooklyn
Overheard by: eefers
Kid to another: No, really. I’m telling you — Michael Jackson used to be black. I saw it on TV.
–B61 bus, Brooklyn
Lady to friend: Your black ass is going to melt just as fast as my white ass if there is a nuclear war.
–116th & Broadway
White girl to another: So, what’s your dream ethnicity?
–Q train, Canal St
Big black guy: I love Old Navy because it’s like GAP, but for black people.
–Old Navy, 6th Ave
Conductor: Next stop, Penn Station. Black power, motherfuckers.
–2 train, 42nd St
Watching Organic and Inorganic Chemists Dance-Fight Like the Sharks and the Jets
Professor, rolling up a blackboard to reveal a second blackboard that is covered in general chemistry: Oh god! Oh god…get it off! Ew!
(class laughs)
Professor: No, not the ideal gas law! We don’t need that, we’re organic chemists! There is no such thing as gas! No such thing as gas!
Student #1: Organic chemists are very sensitive.
Student #2: This is kind of tragic.
–Organic Chem Class, Barnard
Overheard by: Vicksburg
They’ll Have Their Own Reality Show within a Year
Man yelling from upper floor: Bitch! You lucky I can’t come down there and beat yo’ ass!
Woman yelling up from street: That’s why yo’ ass is in there!
–Brooklyn House of Detention for Men
Overheard by: Jimbo Jones
