Archive for 2017

See What You’ve Started, Beyonce?

Guy #1, yelling: Fuck yeah! Put that one in the satchel!
Guy #2: That had “skankalicious” written all over it.

–35th & 7th

Overheard by: GJL

Headline by: Porter

Runners-Up:
· “Britney’s Got a New Clothing Line?” — Ray
· “In Accordance With the New Truth in Graffiti Regulations” — bq
· “It’s the New “Gucci”” — JohnnyB
· “Someone Tell Fergie to Stop Making Up Song Titles” — Botticus
· “The New Mariah Carey Doll Created Unexpected Collectors” — EddieA

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

There Were All Kinds of Things in Her Breast Milk

Teen: Iced cappuccino, please.
Middle-aged tourist: Aren’t you a little young for that much caffeine, sweetie?
Teen: Uhhh, I’m from New York — there was caffeine in my breast milk.
Middle-aged tourist: Oh! You’re from here! Well… Could you give me directions to–
Teen: –Don’t you people have maps for that kind of thing?

–Bread Factory, 785 Lexington

Wednesday One-Liners and the World of Tomorrow

Little boy to mom: I didn’t know that sometimes alarm clocks don’t work. This conversation is over now. We are not discussing it anymore.

–F train, Park Slope

Thug: Don’t whiz on the electric fence!

–D train, Fordham Rd station

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Guy shouting at motorcyclist revving engine: It’s a fucking Yamaha! It’s only a fucking Yamaha!

–St. Marks & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: shadday

Ghetto chick: Dwayne stole that iPod, anyway. He should have given it to me for free!

–14th St station

Overheard by: am I missing an ipod?

Guy: It’d take a big-ass blowtorch to circumcise a robot.

–Waverly Pl & Greene St

Less Than Truthful Wednesday One-liners

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. I promise it will never. happen. again.

–uptown C train

Man screaming on cell : Nah, I didn’t lie to you about nuthin’. [Pause] Even if I did lie, I sho’ wouldn’t tell you about it!

–43rd & 6th

Overheard by: C Mike