Archive for 2017

See What You’ve Start­ed, Be­y­once?

Guy #1, yelling: Fuck yeah! Put that one in the satchel!
Guy #2: That had “skanka­li­cious” writ­ten all over it.

–35th & 7th

Over­heard by: GJL

Head­line by: Porter

Run­ners-Up:
· “Brit­ney’s Got a New Cloth­ing Line?” — Ray
· “In Ac­cor­dance With the New Truth in Graf­fi­ti Reg­u­la­tions” — bq
· “It’s the New “Guc­ci”” — John­nyB
· “Some­one Tell Fer­gie to Stop Mak­ing Up Song Ti­tles” — Bot­ti­cus
· “The New Mari­ah Carey Doll Cre­at­ed Un­ex­pect­ed Col­lec­tors” — Ed­dieA

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

There Were All Kinds of Things in Her Breast Milk

Teen: Iced cap­puc­ci­no, please.
Mid­dle-aged tourist: Aren’t you a lit­tle young for that much caf­feine, sweet­ie?
Teen: Uh­hh, I’m from New York — there was caf­feine in my breast milk.
Mid­dle-aged tourist: Oh! You’re from here! Well… Could you give me di­rec­tions to–
Teen: –Don’t you peo­ple have maps for that kind of thing?

–Bread Fac­to­ry, 785 Lex­ing­ton

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers and the World of To­mor­row

Lit­tle boy to mom: I did­n’t know that some­times alarm clocks don’t work. This con­ver­sa­tion is over now. We are not dis­cussing it any­more.

–F train, Park Slope

Thug: Don’t whiz on the elec­tric fence!

–D train, Ford­ham Rd sta­tion

Over­heard by: Jess Mc­Gins

Guy shout­ing at mo­tor­cy­clist revving en­gine: It’s a fuck­ing Yama­ha! It’s on­ly a fuck­ing Yama­ha!

–St. Marks & 2nd Ave

Over­heard by: shad­day

Ghet­to chick: Dwayne stole that iPod, any­way. He should have giv­en it to me for free!

–14th St sta­tion

Over­heard by: am I miss­ing an ipod?

Guy: It’d take a big-ass blow­torch to cir­cum­cise a ro­bot.

–Wa­ver­ly Pl & Greene St

It Means You’ll Need to Bring Me the Head Of a Drag­on Be­fore We Can Dis­cuss This Fur­ther

Stu­dent: Am I pass­ing your math class?
Teacher: No.
Stu­dent: But I on­ly need your class to grad­u­ate! What can I do to pass?
Teacher: Ex­cuse me. Just be­cause I’m Chi­nese does not mean you can bar­gain for your grade like this is Chi­na­town.

–High School, Queens

Less Than Truth­ful Wednes­day One-lin­ers

Con­duc­tor: Ladies and gen­tle­men, we apol­o­gize for the de­lay. I promise it will nev­er. hap­pen. again.

–up­town C train

Man scream­ing on cell : Nah, I did­n’t lie to you about nuthin’. [Pause] Even if I did lie, I sho’ would­n’t tell you about it!

–43rd & 6th

Over­heard by: C Mike