Archive for 2017

If I Said You Had a Wednesday One-Liner, Would You Hold It Against Me?

Chick on cell: And he had a tiny little body and a tiny little head, and I was just like, "um, no."

–Equinox Gym, Wall Street

Overheard by: Ladle

Security guard, talking about senior citizens: If they sit around the house all day because they actually can't use their legs, it's fine. But if they can still use their legs and get around, but choose to stay at home, that's no good. No good.

–Museum of Chinese in America

Bar patron to bartender: If you give me a free shot, I'll rub your feet.

–Greenwood Heights

Overheard by: Sunny

Girl to friend: Well you know, it hurts at first… but then it expands. (opens cleched fist with a larger hole) And then it feels like you have a tail!

–Subway Coney Island

Overheard by: Torgrim

Just Remember to Save the Intercourse for Grades

Grad student girl: How did your work go today?
Grad student guy: Pretty good. I took some Adderall. God, it helps–it's like crack.
Grad student girl: Oh my god! Really? I'll suck your dick for a pill.
Grad student guy: Damn straight you will.

–Fish Bar, East Village

Overheard by: John-John

You’re Dreaming If You Think They’re Interesting

Chick #1: One of my friend’s moms has unholy thoughts about Charlie Rose.
Chick #2: One of my friends has dreams about having sex with her family’s minivan. And not humping the side of it, either. We’re talking full on, riding the stick-shift sex. Hmmm.
Chick #1: We run with an interesting crowd.

–1 train

Overheard by: Djlindee

Here's Forest Whitaker to Explain

Park Slope mom #1: I'm going to be honest. We have night birds near my house.
Park Slope mom #2: Oh my god! Us too! I tried to report it!
Park Slope mom #1: Why are these birds chirping at night? Don't they need to sleep?

–Park Slope

Overheard by: D-Law

The Supersizing Of Wednesday One-Liners

Obese woman to another (each wearing skin tight leggings and tank tops): Gurrrll, you know you wrong! You not fat. Don'tcha know that the mirror makes you look heavier?

–Inwood, 207th St

Overheard by: cat the great

Woman on cell: She looks awful. Why is she so fat?

–Tompkins Square Dog Park

Overheard by: dogsitting

Large man outside hotel to bus driver: I'm big, but I'm lazy. If you're big and you lazy, you're just lazy.

–8th Ave & 50th St

Overheard by: Nicole

Obese woman: I just want a cheeseburger the size of my ass right now.

–Q Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Over-sunscreened man, crossing street: I'm getting fat! I'm eating too much and I don't like it!

–72nd & Amsterdam