Archive for 2017

Wednesday Really Pumps Out the One-Liners

Guy to female friend: There’s a guy in the Howard Street festival that ejaculates like 20 feet.

–E 3rd St & 1st Ave

Guy: The world is my cumrag!

–4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Jordan Bruce

Woman on cell: Yeah, it was great. We managed to buy enough sperm for three kids.

–32nd & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Matt

Intoxicated college boy to friend: I don’t want to jism on a girl’s back…yet.

–Times Square

Overheard by: watching her back

Suit getting off train, turning around and yelling: Was it semen? (waves goodbye)

–1 Train

Overheard by: hsw

Rest in Peace, Wednesday One-liners

Anorexia on cell: Oh, she died? From what?…Oh, that’s horrible. Well, everyone has to die somehow.

–Coffee shop, Madison & 79th

Overheard by: Julz

Cab driver: Are you trying for die, bitch?

–Taxi, Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: Aaron Brumer 

Girl on cell: …and they took me to a psychic and the psychic said I’m, like, dead inside and that I have nothing going for me.

–Broadway & Broome

Guy: I’ll tell you what: I’ll kill myself, you don’t have to bother.

–47th & 5th

Woman on cell: Girl, you know I only gotta do two things: stay black and die. And I’m doing that real well. Staying black, I mean.

–Karavas Place ladies’ room, W. 4th Street

Girl: Oh, so I forgot to tell you about my ex who died last year. He drowned…this is a good story.

–World Financial Center 

Or Ugly People… Still You.

Woman digging through scarves: Do you think these are for older people?
Male pal: Yes, for older people. For you.

–The Met store

Overheard by: akka

Headline by: Stretchen

Runners-Up:
· “Definetely In The Friend Zone” — Dion
· “Never Insult a Woman with a Perfect Choking Device” — Megan
· “No One Said Ashton Kutcher Was Bright” — punk’d
· “That’s It. I’m Leaving My Teeth in Next Time I Blow You.” — laladypoet
· “They Help Catch the Drool” — Dan
· “Well That’s the Last He’ll See Of the Sagging Sisters” — L

Click here to see the new Headline Contest