Archive for 2017

He’s Just Not That Into You

Drunk girl: How much is a Miller Light tall boy?
Beer vendor: $3.
Drunk girl: How about $2.50?
Beer vendor: $3.
Drunk girl: How about $2.75 and my phone number?

Drunk girl gives beer vendor cell phone number.

Beer vendor: $3.

–Penn Station, LIRR

Overheard by: LC
Headline by: Anna-Liza

Runners-Up:
· “Your Jedi Mind Tricks Don’t Work While Drunk” — Anna Nio
· “ ‘Mommy, How Did You and Daddy Meet?’ ”  — Becca
· “But in Syosset, I’m Beautiful” — Anastasia Beaverhausen

Honorable Mentions:
· “Losing Her Dignity for a Miller Light: Priceless”  — mellamaphone
· “Ah, the Reflexive Property of Beer” — Mikey G
· “In his Defense, He Advertises ‘Cold and Frosty’ ” — Mike T
· “Yeah, I Tried that Line with the Laundry Machine Yesterday” —  jumanji
· “C’mon! My Number Really Is 867‑5309.” — will manning

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners See the World With Fresh Eyes

Little boy to dad: Does the Statue of Liberty have a claw?

–Battery Park

Little boy to mother: Will you hurry up? You’re slower than my aunt Jebediah in the bathtub!

–Clark St, Brooklyn

Four-year-old boy to mother: And then you fed me…from your belly button!

–Old Navy Store

Overheard by: Joyfully Yours

Little boy playing with friend: Buenos dias, reptile!

–Astoria Park

Overheard by: Julie & Zane

Blond six-year-old, looking at father’s New Yorker magazine: What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

–Doma Cafe

Seven-year-old with Spiderman backpack: Dad, have I lost my youth?

–1 Train

Little girl with pigtails, running to sit with family: We’re going to the dark side!

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Wednesday One-Liners Live Beyond Their Means

Black woman #1, to black woman #2: That’s a real cute phone for a nigger without a job.

–Sprint Store

Overheard by: wigger with a job

Guy: I dunno, if I had that much money, I’d spend it on something else. Like pants made of diamonds…Or hookers made of gold.

–Lafayette & Bond

Overheard by: jayloo

Hobo, to baby in stroller: You’re a fucking moron, kid, wasting all your money on that shit!

–Central Park

Overheard by: PeggyG.