But Then the Uncles Start Pinching Your Cheeks

Boy #1: It’s so gross! My aunts pinch my cheeks and call me cute and make, like, cow noises!
Boy #2: Take it from me: wait ’til you get older. I promise, no one will ever call you cute again. 

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Andrea

Wednesday One-liners Drink Mad Dog

Girl: I was so wasted last night. I think I gave a blowjob to a hobo in the park. 

–St. Marks & 2^nd

Overheard by: Constantino

And the Time She Said I Had a Miscarriage?

Guy #1: No, man, she’s been lying for a while now.
Guy #2: I dunno, man…
Guy #1: It’s true. Remember that time I was like, “Hey, where’s your baby?” And she was like, “Oh yeah…I had a miscarriage.“
Guy #2: True. True.

–Pick a Bagel, 3^rd Ave between 22^nd & 23^rd

Overheard by: Shannon

Rap Duels Just Aren’t As Good As They Used to Be

Thug #1: I’m going to beat the shit out of you like the Incredible Hulk, except I’m going to turn purple instead of green.
Thug #2: No, you’re not. You’re going to turn pink because you’re a pussy!

–Bronx-bound D train

Overheard by: Maria Endrinal

And You Habitually Overeat

Girl walking down the street: Why do I feel so full?
Little kid: Cause you’re drunk!

–Bleecker St, West Village

Overheard by: Diva

Too Bad They Don’t Give You Poison, Too

Human Leech: Oh, what you have to do is calculate your monthly income – and make sure you include in that the amount of money that your parents give you every month.

–Beacon’s Closet, Williamsburg

There’s Gay, and Then There’s AIDS Gay

Gay Man #1: I like your coat.
Gay Man #2: Where did you get it?
Gay Man #1: Gucci.
Gay Man #2: Gucci, Gucci, Goo!

–Elevator, Manhattan

Or You Should Be Good at Math and Stop Talking

Little white boy: Will someone tell him that the Indians were playing the Yankees the other day!!?
Little Indian boy: Will someone tell him that Indians don’t play baseball? I should know, I’m Indian!

–2 train

Wednesday One-liners: Genitals Edition

Engineer: Unlike you, I am not always thinking about cock!

–Midtown office

Overheard by: Randy Locklair

Blonde Teen: No. Like it’s hairy. Like really hairy. Like I‑have-to-trim-it hairy.

–3^rd Ave & 11^th St.

Overheard by: D O double 

I’m Starting to Care That the Girl Has an Orgasm

Girl #1: So wait… You have trouble orgasming?
Girl #2: Yes! It’s like impossible for me to come through sex alone.
Girl #1: But fingering and oral works?
Girl #2: Well, yeah.
Girl #1 to guy friend: How ya hanging in there, Matt?
Matt: I need to start hanging out with more guys.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Bruce Lee