Archive for 2017

Lit­tle Kid: I’m Bid­ing My Time

Queer #1 glar­ing at near­by smok­er la­dy: Ugh!
Queer #2: I hope she gets can­cer. [Woman pass­es a lit­tle kid and en­ters mu­se­um.] That lit­tle kid should’ve kicked her.

–Out­side the Brook­lyn Mu­se­um

Over­heard by: Caulfield

Out of What, Now?

Old white hus­band: What are lamb chops?
Old black wife: I used to buy them for din­ner all the time.
Old white hus­band: What are they?
Old black wife: I used to buy them for you!
Old white hus­band: I don’t re­mem­ber, tell me what they are.
Old black wife: They’re like pork chops, but made out of lamb.

–D train

Over­heard by: daniela

Once Up­on a Time in Wednes­day One-Lin­er…

Bag la­dy: The Re­pub­li­cans are try­ing to re­gain pow­er by re­mov­ing all the African Amer­i­cans and re­plac­ing them with Lati­nos.

–Ja­maica LIRR Sta­tion

Woman to boyfriend: You know, I’m re­al­ly glad I met you in­stead of a Mex­i­can.

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Over­heard by: true ro­man­tic

Asian girl on phone with her moth­er: He’s not a reg­u­lar His­pan­ic, you know, he speaks Eng­lish, re­cy­cles, and likes mu­se­ums.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

La­dy at shop: Are you Mex­i­can? My ex was Mex­i­can. He was short­er than me, but I loved him. Un­til he stabbed some­one. (pause) Sweet­heart, I need a lot of napkins–I don’t have my top teeth.

–Pres­i­dent & Smith

And What’s More Hi­lar­i­ous Than Mid­dle-aged Sex?

Com­e­dy show pro­mot­er: Com­e­dy show tonight! 50% off, right here! What about you guys?
Mid­dle-aged woman with hus­band: No thanks, we’re see­ing a movie.
Com­e­dy show pro­mot­er: What about af­ter your movie? We got late shows too!
Mid­dle-aged woman: That’s when we go home and have sex. Thanks, though.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Lau­ra