Jock #1: If I give you a book, will you read it?
Jock #2: Yeah. What’s the title?
Jock #1: It’s called The New Testament.
Jock #2: Man, I had to read the old version for class…
–Fordham University
Overheard by: jack
Archive for 2017
You Are the Worst Jewish Vegetarian Ever
Hippie: Dude, I found this place that makes the best veggie burger ever!
Friend: Cool… So, they’ll put bacon on mine, right?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Megan
Pat Herself Has Transitioned from Babe to MILF
Thug #1: Oh, shit son… Pat Benatar is gonna be here.
Thug #2, singing: Love Is a Battlefield… that shit is hot.
Thug #1: Yeah, man!
–42nd St, BB King Blues Club
Overheard by: king of the gypsies
Some People Have Pride in Their Work
Conductor: Dyckman Street’s next.
Teen boy who kicked down the door of the back car and got on the intercom: Yeah, motherfucker! Dyckman Street’s next, nigga!
–1 train near 191st
Overheard by: vegannramember
…So Go Ahead and Make Your “Hardwood” Jokes
Slick guy: So, do the curtains match the carpet?
Hot bleached blonde: There is no carpet.
Slick guy: Oh.
–Starbucks, Times Square
Some NYC History, Overheard Style
Slacker #1: You know that ships used to come up the river and dock in the West Village?
Slacker #2: Really, man?
Slacker #1: Yeah, really. They used to let the sailors out there…yeah, that’s where the term “Hey Sailor” came from.
–Prince Street laundromat
Japanese girl: If this is New York, where are Old York?
Japanese Dad: I think that is in England.
–59th & 6th
Overheard by: Svein Brunstad
Kid Must Not Be from New Jersey
Conductor to young boy knocking on bathroom door: If it’s locked, it means someone’s in there and if no one’s in there, it’s probably better not to go in.
Fellow passenger: Yeah, mucho stinko!
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Jarett
“It’s Not You. It’s Wednesday One-Liner.”
Screaming, sobbing middle-aged woman to man: Why are you doing this to me? Why are you doing this to me? We made beautiful love last night! Why are you doing this to me?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Laura
Angry woman on cell: You don’t feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me! We are done!
–147th & St Nicholas
Man on cell: I’m going to fucking dump that job, like girls dump me.
–45th & 8th
Girl on phone: No wonder he broke up with you, you are a pain in the ass!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Laura
Teen girl on cell: Are you fucking kidding me? You’re breaking up with me because I didn’t let you lick chocolate off my coochie? That shit’s fucked up!
–Bloomingdale’s
Gummi Bolts
Guy, sniffing at a box of bolts: Wow, these smell like Twizzlers!
Box owner: Well, they are from Germany.
–Metric Building, Hawthorne
Overheard by: not surprised at all
She Duels Like Yoda
Guy to woman with baby strapped to her chest: Your baby looks like a little Yoda.
Woman: That’s what my husband said.
Husband: No, I said she looks like Obi-Wan.
–Path b/w Christopher & 9th
Overheard by: Brwnman
