Crazy old lady: You’re gonna have a bad year.
Guy: Thank you.
Crazy old lady: You’re gonna have very bad luck… you could be in the next 9⁄11.
–7th Ave & 36th St
Archive for January, 2018
…And a Milkshake, Please.
Woman in store: Let me get a bacon and cheese on a roll.
Deli guy: Okay, bacon egg and cheese on a roll.
Woman: No eggs! I have high cholesterol, I’m trying to stay away from that… Just bacon and cheese on a roll, and put some mayonnaise on it. (mutters under her breath) Pshhh, eggs, you tryin to kill me with high cholesterol.
–Lafayette Ave & Broadway
Go Back Where You Came from, Wednesday One-Liners!
Woman: I just have a lot of leftover Mexican anger…
–7 train
Overheard by: Elle-train
Man: This guy is a well-known thief, and he’s mad at me for ratting him out about something everyone knows. You just can’t trust anyone, and that’s how I feel about all Canadians.
–NYU
Overheard by: Eleanor
Stoner: That girl was either French or retarded…
–14th St
Overheard by: jenna
Chick on cell: If you can’t tell what it is, it’s an armless mannequin with a wedding dress half on, breasts bared, with a nice Mexican woman posing her for me.
–Harlem
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Boisterous SI woman: Just push those foreigners out of the way. I’ve got your back — they just want to see the green bitch in the water!
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Mr. Anderson & Poki
The Voting Public, in a Nutshell
Drunk guy #1: Yeah, everyone says that if Obama gets elected, he’ll get assassinated. But I don’t know, man.
Drunk guy #2: Fuck it, I’m voting for John McClane.
–F Train
I Think That’s Her Sorority House
White girl: Damn, you can flow!
McDude: What you know about flow?
White girl: Dude, I’m from H‑town.
–McDonald’s, 38th & 6th
Overheard by: Brooke
When Gay Boys Turn Straight in Self-Defense
Dude #1: So my roommate keeps jerkin off at my computer.
Dude #2: That’s fucked.
Dude #1: It didn’t bother me at all till I smelled my chair. So I confronted him.
Dude #2: What happened?
Dude #1: He said he’d put something on the chair next time. I guess I’m supposed to be okay with him poppin one off at my desk, I guess.
–Bellhouse Bar
Overheard by: billy
I’ll Have My Secretary Do It
30-something guy to group: So yeah, I mean my ex-wife found out I bought a new car, a Benz, and that my new girlfriend was driving around in it. So she got all pissy and told me to buy her a car. So I bought her the shittiest Toyota I could find at the used car lot. No joke, this thing is a death trap. I hope she burns alive in it.
Friend: Um, don’t you have kids?
30-something guy: Yeah, so?
Friend: Doesn’t your ex-wife drive the kids?
30-something guy: Oh fuck me, now I have to tell her that I tried to kill her.
–Metro North Train
Overheard by: Just Trying to Sleep…
Don’t Tell Kermit They Had a Kid
Girl #1: I keep all my money in that piggy bank you gave me.
Girl #2: Piggy bank?
Girl #1: Actually it was a bear, wasn’t it? I save my money in that piggy bear.
–7 train
A Woman Whose Rides Are All Open, Honey
Mom: We can go to Coney Island this summer. It’s not closed, just some of the rides.
Kid: Mom, what’s a trophy wife?
–1 Train
All I Require in Exchange Is Your First-Born
Tourist woman: I am waiting until the sign says “walk”!
10-year old: Lady, then you’re going to be here for a while.
Tourist woman: I don’t want to cross by myself.
10-year old: Uh. I’ll cross with you.
–Greene St
