Archive for January, 2018

Go Back Where You Came from, Wednesday One-Liners!

Woman: I just have a lot of leftover Mexican anger…

–7 train

Overheard by: Elle-train

Man: This guy is a well-known thief, and he’s mad at me for ratting him out about something everyone knows. You just can’t trust anyone, and that’s how I feel about all Canadians.

–NYU

Overheard by: Eleanor

Stoner: That girl was either French or retarded…

–14th St

Overheard by: jenna

Chick on cell: If you can’t tell what it is, it’s an armless mannequin with a wedding dress half on, breasts bared, with a nice Mexican woman posing her for me.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Boisterous SI woman: Just push those foreigners out of the way. I’ve got your back — they just want to see the green bitch in the water!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Mr. Anderson & Poki

I’ll Have My Secretary Do It

30-something guy to group: So yeah, I mean my ex-wife found out I bought a new car, a Benz, and that my new girlfriend was driving around in it. So she got all pissy and told me to buy her a car. So I bought her the shittiest Toyota I could find at the used car lot. No joke, this thing is a death trap. I hope she burns alive in it.
Friend: Um, don’t you have kids?
30-something guy: Yeah, so?
Friend: Doesn’t your ex-wife drive the kids?
30-something guy: Oh fuck me, now I have to tell her that I tried to kill her.

–Metro North Train

Overheard by: Just Trying to Sleep…