Archive for February, 2018

In the Sense That She Wants You to Take Over Her Classes While She Does Her Own Research

Male grad student #1: So, I got an email from my teacher today.
Male grad student #2: Oh, yeah?
Male grad student #1: Yeah… She thinks I’m a good teacher.
Male grad student #2: Oh… So nothing about…?
Male grad student #1: No, nothing about my gorgeous smile or sparkling personality.
Male grad student #2: Oh.
Male grad student #1: She totally wants me. I can tell.

–A train, between 42nd & 50th St

Overheard by: laurs

Neither Fitty nor Mrs. Cent Could Be Reached for Comment

Overloud teenager #1: You know what I figured out? All this shit we’re listening to now… When we’re older that shit’s gonna be old school.
Overloud teenager #2: Huh?
Overloud teenager #1: That Fitty track. When we’re… older and shit, it’s gonna be old school. Shit’s gonna be old school.
Overloud teenager #2: I don’t get it.

–Uptown 1 Train

Like He Ever Worked at a Daycare?

Blonde hipster girl: Is it wrong that I wish evil things on those people?
Brunette hipster girl: Yes!
Blonde hipster girl, surprised: Why?
Brunette hipster girl: Because that's not what Jesus would do.
Blonde hipster girl: Jesus doesn't know what I have to deal with.

–A Train

Ewww, Why Is This Sticky?

Bubbly college chick: Oh my god! Have you read David Sedaris?
Mellow college chick: Maybe…
Bubbly college chick: Maybe? How did you not shit yourself laughing? I mean, he’s OCD and licks doorknobs on a regular basis! He’s gay, and he’s great! You should totally buy this!

–Columbia University Bookstore, Morningside Heights

Overheard by: amused employee

She’s Hardly Coming Up with A-list Material

Dude: Do you think if I had a tail I’d be happy?
Girl: I’m just going to sit here quietly and ponder the ridiculousness of that statement.
Random guy: …Didn’t you steal that line from Arrested Development?
Girl: Yeah, so?
Random guy: Well, if you’re going to make fun of him for being an idiot, he should at least get to make fun of you for being a plagiarist.

–C train

Overheard by: Gradie Smith