Archive for February, 2018

In the Sense That She Wants You to Take Over Her Class­es While She Does Her Own Re­search

Male grad stu­dent #1: So, I got an email from my teacher to­day.
Male grad stu­dent #2: Oh, yeah?
Male grad stu­dent #1: Yeah… She thinks I’m a good teacher.
Male grad stu­dent #2: Oh… So noth­ing about…?
Male grad stu­dent #1: No, noth­ing about my gor­geous smile or sparkling per­son­al­i­ty.
Male grad stu­dent #2: Oh.
Male grad stu­dent #1: She to­tal­ly wants me. I can tell.

–A train, be­tween 42nd & 50th St

Over­heard by: laurs

Nei­ther Fit­ty nor Mrs. Cent Could Be Reached for Com­ment

Over­loud teenag­er #1: You know what I fig­ured out? All this shit we’re lis­ten­ing to now… When we’re old­er that shit’s gonna be old school.
Over­loud teenag­er #2: Huh?
Over­loud teenag­er #1: That Fit­ty track. When we’re… old­er and shit, it’s gonna be old school. Shit’s gonna be old school.
Over­loud teenag­er #2: I don’t get it.

–Up­town 1 Train

Like He Ever Worked at a Day­care?

Blonde hip­ster girl: Is it wrong that I wish evil things on those peo­ple?
Brunette hip­ster girl: Yes!
Blonde hip­ster girl, sur­prised: Why?
Brunette hip­ster girl: Be­cause that’s not what Je­sus would do.
Blonde hip­ster girl: Je­sus does­n’t know what I have to deal with.

–A Train

Ewww, Why Is This Sticky?

Bub­bly col­lege chick: Oh my god! Have you read David Sedaris?
Mel­low col­lege chick: Maybe…
Bub­bly col­lege chick: Maybe? How did you not shit your­self laugh­ing? I mean, he’s OCD and licks door­knobs on a reg­u­lar ba­sis! He’s gay, and he’s great! You should to­tal­ly buy this!

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty Book­store, Morn­ing­side Heights

Over­heard by: amused em­ploy­ee

She’s Hard­ly Com­ing Up with A‑list Ma­te­r­i­al

Dude: Do you think if I had a tail I’d be hap­py?
Girl: I’m just go­ing to sit here qui­et­ly and pon­der the ridicu­lous­ness of that state­ment.
Ran­dom guy: …Did­n’t you steal that line from Ar­rest­ed De­vel­op­ment?
Girl: Yeah, so?
Ran­dom guy: Well, if you’re go­ing to make fun of him for be­ing an id­iot, he should at least get to make fun of you for be­ing a pla­gia­rist.

–C train

Over­heard by: Gradie Smith