Well-dressed woman to passerby: Excuse me. Which way is up?
–53rd & Madison
Overheard by: Kitsune
Stoned guy: I think I thought I had a thought in my head…but I was wrong.
–74th S & Colonial Rd, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Becka Dash
Archive for February, 2018
All Women Are Beautiful, If You Know How to Look
Girl: But she’s so pretty.
Guy: So are you! And she’s not that pretty.
Girl: No… Really?
Guy: Well, she’s a whore.
Girl: I’m pretty?
–1 train
Overheard by: She’s not actually pretty
In the Sense That She Wants You to Take Over Her Classes While She Does Her Own Research
Male grad student #1: So, I got an email from my teacher today.
Male grad student #2: Oh, yeah?
Male grad student #1: Yeah… She thinks I’m a good teacher.
Male grad student #2: Oh… So nothing about…?
Male grad student #1: No, nothing about my gorgeous smile or sparkling personality.
Male grad student #2: Oh.
Male grad student #1: She totally wants me. I can tell.
–A train, between 42nd & 50th St
Overheard by: laurs
Neither Fitty nor Mrs. Cent Could Be Reached for Comment
Overloud teenager #1: You know what I figured out? All this shit we’re listening to now… When we’re older that shit’s gonna be old school.
Overloud teenager #2: Huh?
Overloud teenager #1: That Fitty track. When we’re… older and shit, it’s gonna be old school. Shit’s gonna be old school.
Overloud teenager #2: I don’t get it.
–Uptown 1 Train
Being Scared of Rosie Makes Plenty of Sense
Girl: I always thought she was a cool girl and she kind of intimidated me. I know that makes no sense, because–
Queer: –because she’s a fat lesbian?
–Horatio & Hudson
Overheard by: Shane
Dude, You Totally Just Lost Your New Hag
Fat chick on cell: Well, it kind of sucks because the subway is
like two avenue blocks away and–
Queer passerby: And there’s no Krispy Kreme in between?
–Astoria
Like He Ever Worked at a Daycare?
Blonde hipster girl: Is it wrong that I wish evil things on those people?
Brunette hipster girl: Yes!
Blonde hipster girl, surprised: Why?
Brunette hipster girl: Because that’s not what Jesus would do.
Blonde hipster girl: Jesus doesn’t know what I have to deal with.
–A Train
Ewww, Why Is This Sticky?
Bubbly college chick: Oh my god! Have you read David Sedaris?
Mellow college chick: Maybe…
Bubbly college chick: Maybe? How did you not shit yourself laughing? I mean, he’s OCD and licks doorknobs on a regular basis! He’s gay, and he’s great! You should totally buy this!
–Columbia University Bookstore, Morningside Heights
Overheard by: amused employee
She’s Hardly Coming Up with A‑list Material
Dude: Do you think if I had a tail I’d be happy?
Girl: I’m just going to sit here quietly and ponder the ridiculousness of that statement.
Random guy: …Didn’t you steal that line from Arrested Development?
Girl: Yeah, so?
Random guy: Well, if you’re going to make fun of him for being an idiot, he should at least get to make fun of you for being a plagiarist.
–C train
Overheard by: Gradie Smith
Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Know How to Quit You
Young queer on cell, laughing: I mean, what is he going to blackmail me with?
–9th & 47th
Overheard by: wondering
Older queer to boyfriend: There’s nothing like listening to Bach after having sex!
–W 72nd St, Record Store
Overheard by: I’ll have to try that sometime…
(40-something gay guy is looking through a clearance rack of mismatched outerwear under sign that reads “Big and tall active bottoms”)
60-something gay guy, yelling: Good luck, dahling, you’re in the wrong section. Find where the big desperate bottoms are and try that!
–KMart, Penn Station
Overheard by: RoverUSA
Gay black man to whimpering toddler held by mother: Don’t even start with me… Thank the Lord you ain’t my kid.
–M15 Bus
Young, good looking gay guy to much older ugly boyfriend: My ex-boyfriend always bought me presents…
–86th St & Lexington
