Nurse: I once had a patient die on me. That shit stressed me out!
–E 16th St
Overheard by: wendy chin
Archive for July, 2018
And Deriving Really Lame Metaphors
Fag: Women have life so easy.
Hag: I know, life is like served on a plate to women but they’re on a diet so then they pick out all the good stuff and push the plate to the side.
Fag: Too bad the diet doesn’t do anything, cause they’re still fat and complaining.
–Wendy’s, 57th St
God, I Love New York
Elevator operator: What floor, please?
Old lady: Home, James.
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Does That Mean Your Dad Was Gettin’ Nun?
Elderly health teacher to 8th grade students: Abstinence is the only way to ensure safety from STDs. Trust me.
Student: Oooh! Like a nun! (class laughs)
Elderly health teacher: Ugh! I don’t get it! Why does everyone laugh at nun jokes? Nuns are wonderful, empowered women. My mother was a nun, you know?
–93rd & Amsterdam
Still Boasting About the Mayflower
Chick: So, where are you from?
Guy: I’m from Brooklyn.
Chick: No, you have an accent.
Guy: Oh yeah, well, my parents are Eurotrash.
–Broad & Exchange
Bitch, Please! Her Favorite Candy is Nose
NYU girl: So my friend had a class with Mary-Kate–
NYU boy: Uh huh.
NYU girl: –and they were all going around saying what their favorite books were. But when it got to Mary-Kate, she just said, “Well, my favorite candy is a Tootsie Roll.”
–Chipotle, East 8th Street
Overheard by: monsi
Define “Better”
Drunk boy: God, fucking Bedford is so fucking gentrified.
Drunk girl: Go to the Lorimer stop. It’s way better there.
–Bedford Avenue station
Overheard by: Ami
Except for All Those Fetuses
Girl #1: I think that most men prefer it closed.
Girl #2: You think? I would figure open to be easier access.
Girl #3: Oh, for God’s sake! No one has ever rejected me because of my vagina!
–61st & Madison
If Not Dick, Then Dictionaries
Woman: If I don’t find a guy I want to date within the next year, then I’m going back to school.
–B3 Restaurant, Avenue B
Overheard by: Laura Walker
Got a Watch That Accurately Measures 30 Minute Increments?
Man: I sell watches. I’m going to have cards made… I’m a horologist.
Chick: I’m just a whore.
–50th & 10th
Overheard by: sister mary ann
