Nurse: I once had a patient die on me. That shit stressed me out!
–E 16th St
Overheard by: wendy chin
Archive for July, 2018
And Deriving Really Lame Metaphors
Fag: Women have life so easy.
Hag: I know, life is like served on a plate to women but they’re on a diet so then they pick out all the good stuff and push the plate to the side.
Fag: Too bad the diet doesn’t do anything, cause they’re still fat and complaining.
–Wendy’s, 57th St
God, I Love New York
Elevator operator: What floor, please?
Old lady: Home, James.
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Does That Mean Your Dad Was Gettin’ Nun?
Elderly health teacher to 8th grade students: Abstinence is the only way to ensure safety from STDs. Trust me.
Student: Oooh! Like a nun! (class laughs)
Elderly health teacher: Ugh! I don’t get it! Why does everyone laugh at nun jokes? Nuns are wonderful, empowered women. My mother was a nun, you know?
–93rd & Amsterdam
Still Boasting About the Mayflower
Chick: So, where are you from?
Guy: I’m from Brooklyn.
Chick: No, you have an accent.
Guy: Oh yeah, well, my parents are Eurotrash.
–Broad & Exchange
Bitch, Please! Her Favorite Candy is Nose
NYU girl: So my friend had a class with Mary-Kate–
NYU boy: Uh huh.
NYU girl: –and they were all going around saying what their favorite books were. But when it got to Mary-Kate, she just said, “Well, my favorite candy is a Tootsie Roll.”
–Chipotle, East 8th Street
Overheard by: monsi
Define “Better”
Drunk boy: God, fucking Bedford is so fucking gentrified.
Drunk girl: Go to the Lorimer stop. It’s way better there.
–Bedford Avenue station
Overheard by: Ami
Hitler Did Kinda Focus on That One Star, Though…
College kid #1: …and the astrologers are having to completely change their predictions because Pluto’s not a planet anymore.
College kid #2: That’s crazy.
Random guy: Don’t make fun of astrology. Hitler took astrology seriously. So did Ronald Reagan. And kings and queens.
–1 train, 116th St
Overheard by: bluekale
Headline by: wiggity
Runners-Up:
· “Actually, The Queens Only Follow the Movements of Uranus” — Johnny B
· “Astrologists Predict Random Man Wearing Jack Boots Will Disembowel 2 College Kids” — dante mcnasty
· “I Thought Ronald Reagan Got Rid of All the Queens” — C.J.
· “Just When I Had Heard That Stupidity Was in Retrograde…” — tm78
· “Nostradumbass Lives On” — kathy
· “Pluto Is Just a Mickey Mouse Planet” — Elliott Sperber
· “Taurus: Keep Your Wits About You, as True Love Is Around the Corner. Also, You Will Invade Poland.” — Jim C.
· “What Did You Think the Star Wars Program Was About?” — Tom Dorey
Except for All Those Fetuses
Girl #1: I think that most men prefer it closed.
Girl #2: You think? I would figure open to be easier access.
Girl #3: Oh, for God’s sake! No one has ever rejected me because of my vagina!
–61st & Madison
It’s All About Rita Now, MTV Generation
Twin girl #A: Yeah, she said she was going to do the school year here.
Unique girl: She came from Kentucky? Why did she come so far?
Twin girl #B: Louisiana is a state. Kentucky is another state.
Unique girl: Oh, well why’d she come to New York? Couldn’t she stay in her house in Louisiana?
Twin girl #A: Um, no, a hurricane hit New Orleans. That’s why she’s here.
Unique girl: Right, right. I forgot about that.
–Kew Gardens station
