Man to friend: So, where did you find the cane you’re using, it looks like just what I need.
Friend: Oh, at a CVS near Jersey.
Man: What’s “near Jersey”?
Friend: Just through a tunnel, you know… Jersey.
–W 71 & Broadway
Overheard by: Revedgoldberg
Archive for July, 2018
Not the Brightest Bulb
Customer: I don’t think onions are vegetables.
Employee: You don’t think onions are vegetables? Then what are they?
Customer: I think they should be listed separately, in the onion category.
–PAX, 57th St
Overheard by: Tech Support
The Only Insult that Hasn’t Lost Its Sting in This Town
Skater thug: Yo, watch where you’re fuckin’ goin’ before I fuck your ass up!
Suit: Shut up, you Kevin Federline-looking punk!
−−2÷3 train, 42nd St
Overheard by: Tommy Wooh
Single and Won’t Press Charges?
Girl #1: Do you ever have one of those days where you just want to fuck someone up?
Random guy: I’m single!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: alice c.
Wednesday One-Liner Ink
Girl to friend: She has a Shakespeare quote tattooed on her body, so she must be smart.
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: Lyssa
Middle aged dude to another: That fucken bitch, man. I wish I had her on a t‑shirt instead of on my chest and back.
–Prince & Lafayette
Slightly ghetto white girl on cell: What happens when a bug bites you on your tattoo?
–D Train
Overheard by: 4‑dumb
Tourist grandmother to eight-year-old granddaughter: Do, do you like mommy’s new neck tattoo? (pause) Yeah, me neither.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Jas
Seems Jesus Came Up Short
Lady lawyer: I think Christians are generally taller.
Boy attorney #1: So if a Korean was to convert to Christianity, he’d get taller?
Boy attorney #2: Sure, if he prayed hard enough.
–Office, 45th & 5th
The Production of Stupidity Is Clearly in the Hands of the Workers
Teen thug #1: That shit back in the day was like common-ism.
Teen thug #2: Yo, you mean Communism, stupid ass!
–1 train, 86th St
Overheard by: Tommy Wooh
He Was Happy on the Insides (Now Outside)
Guy: You know what’s really gross? Seeing the rats that get run over by the subway cars. They’re all split open and stuff.
Girl: This one time I saw a rat get washed up on the shore. He was missing all his skin.
Guy: Did he look happy?
Girl: No.
–Columbia University
Should We Set Them Up?
Construction worker #1: My boss, he’s got a mustache like Hitler.
Construction worker #2: Mine’s a Jew.
–Astoria
Sold!
Girl promoter to girl walking with friends: Do you like stand-up comedy?
Girl with friends: I like sit-down comedy.
Girl promoter: We have chairs.
–Broadway & 47th
