Archive for August, 2018

Ah, the Re­verse Don­key Punch

Man #1: It was kind of weird, she was go­ing down on me and then…Well…She stuck her fin­ger in my butt.
Man #2: You’re kid­ding me! I did­n’t re­al­ize that Beth was like that.
Man #3: So what did you do?
Man #1: What could I have done? It kin­da weird­ed me out.
Man #3: Man, if my girl ever did that, I think I’d punch her in the face.

–Penn Sta­tion

Hence, the ‘Got Root?’ T‑Shirt?

Cal­i­forn­ian boy: Dude, why are you al­ways run­ning to like 50 dif­fer­ent places a day?
New York geeky girl: Be­cause my brain is pro­gramed to run New York­er 10.0 and yours is Cal­i­forn­ian 4.20. Sim­i­lar op­er­at­ing sys­tems, on­ly we get stuff done on time, don’t wear san­dals to work, and are frankly just slight­ly su­pe­ri­or to every­body.

–N Train

Over­heard by: all­yse

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Live on a Steady Di­et of Gov­ern­ment Cheese

Guy: I’m tellin’ you, man. Amer­i­ca loves cheese. No, se­ri­ous­ly, dude. Amer­i­ca loves cheese!

–Ace’s, 5th St & Ave B

Cute 20-some­thing guy singing while play­ing soc­cer: Bot­tles of cheese, bot­tles of cheeeeeeeeese…

–Prospect Park

Over­heard by: i’d like a bot­tle of cheese

Girl: I’d rather have a turkey sand­wich with cum on it than cheese.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Lind­say

Dis­tressed fe­male stu­dent: She’s such a hard grad­er! She’s like…a cheese grater.

–Queens Col­lege

Five-year old boy: But mum­my, I want goat cheese on my french fries!

–St. Reg­is Ho­tel

Over­heard by: Nonok

Some Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for You to Chew On.

Girl to boyfriend: Well, I don’t know what kind of cult they’re in, but they make the best waf­fles.

–Union Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Chunky Je­sus

Guy on phone, loud­ly: Yes! Make the soup! Make the soup! If you don’t, I sim­ply don’t know how I’m go­ing to spend the week­end! (long pause) Wait, what? Don’t you use words that are longer than five let­ters when talk­ing to me, young one!

–Q Train

20-some­thing: He once tried to deep-fry an or­ange.

–Bar, Mid­town

Over­heard by: Adam

50-some­thing yelling on cell: Yeah… I fig­ured out we were at the movies, I was just won­der­ing who brought the as­para­gus.

–Fair­way Mar­ket, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Antny

Woman look­ing in her sand­wich: This is ab­surd!