Archive for August, 2018

Ah, the Reverse Donkey Punch

Man #1: It was kind of weird, she was going down on me and then…Well…She stuck her finger in my butt.
Man #2: You’re kidding me! I didn’t realize that Beth was like that.
Man #3: So what did you do?
Man #1: What could I have done? It kinda weirded me out.
Man #3: Man, if my girl ever did that, I think I’d punch her in the face.

–Penn Station

Hence, the ‘Got Root?’ T‑Shirt?

Californian boy: Dude, why are you always running to like 50 different places a day?
New York geeky girl: Because my brain is programed to run New Yorker 10.0 and yours is Californian 4.20. Similar operating systems, only we get stuff done on time, don’t wear sandals to work, and are frankly just slightly superior to everybody.

–N Train

Overheard by: allyse

Wednesday One-Liners Live on a Steady Diet of Government Cheese

Guy: I’m tellin’ you, man. America loves cheese. No, seriously, dude. America loves cheese!

–Ace’s, 5th St & Ave B

Cute 20-something guy singing while playing soccer: Bottles of cheese, bottles of cheeeeeeeeese…

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: i’d like a bottle of cheese

Girl: I’d rather have a turkey sandwich with cum on it than cheese.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Lindsay

Distressed female student: She’s such a hard grader! She’s like…a cheese grater.

–Queens College

Five-year old boy: But mummy, I want goat cheese on my french fries!

–St. Regis Hotel

Overheard by: Nonok

Some Wednesday One-Liners for You to Chew On.

Girl to boyfriend: Well, I don’t know what kind of cult they’re in, but they make the best waffles.

–Union Station

Overheard by: Chunky Jesus

Guy on phone, loudly: Yes! Make the soup! Make the soup! If you don’t, I simply don’t know how I’m going to spend the weekend! (long pause) Wait, what? Don’t you use words that are longer than five letters when talking to me, young one!

–Q Train

20-something: He once tried to deep-fry an orange.

–Bar, Midtown

Overheard by: Adam

50-something yelling on cell: Yeah… I figured out we were at the movies, I was just wondering who brought the asparagus.

–Fairway Market, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Antny

Woman looking in her sandwich: This is absurd!