Archive for September, 2018

You Really Shouldn’t Joke about Wednesday One-Liners

Black girl: But, I mean, other than the hating everyone part, he was the nicest neo-Nazi I’ve ever met.

–Penn Station

Biker dude: I’m a Puerto Rican Nazi! I can’t be racist!

–Outside Pyramid Club, Ave A

Thug entering train at rush hour: Man, it’s like the fucking Holocaust in here.

–1 train

Overheard by: Stella Blue

Worker: I think the Holocaust sounds so bad because it’s the ‘Holocaust.’ We should start calling it the ‘Jollycaust.’

–Strand Bookstore

Blonde tourist: The date was okay… I mean, the only problem I have is with his politics. And then there was that whole, um, like… racial thing. You know, all that Aryan stuff.

–Crowded M96 crosstown bus

Overheard by: Socky

Speaking of Which: Drinking out of Toilets? Fabulous.

Chick #1: … I don’t know…
Chick #2: Trust me — he wants it, but he’ll never ask. You do it by surprise, and he’ll, like, cum all over you.
Chick #1: It just seems nasty.
Chick #2: Yeah, it’s nasty — that’s why guys like it! And I guess it feels good. I mean, boy dogs lick their own, right?

–21st St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Manhattman

The Advance Scout from Planet X Blows Its Cover

Guy: You know, they’re giving away money on the T train for being nice.
Bimbette: What?
Guy: The T train — they’re giving away money to people who are nice.
Bimbette: Who are?
Guy: The T train.
Bimbette: How can a train give away money?
Guy: Not the train. The people — the train people.
Bimbette: Why would they give away money?
Guy: To encourage people to be nice. They give it to people who do nice things.
Bimbette: Nice things?
Guy: Yeah, like holding open the door, letting someone have your seat — nice things.
Bimbette: How can they just give away money?
Guy: It’s not actual money. They’re gift certificates to Dunkin’ Donuts.
Bimbette: What’s a donut?
Guy: Are you fucking kidding me?

–A train

Overheard by: this imaginary train you speak of sounds nice