Archive for September, 2018

You Re­al­ly Should­n’t Joke about Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Black girl: But, I mean, oth­er than the hat­ing every­one part, he was the nicest neo-Nazi I’ve ever met.

–Penn Sta­tion

Bik­er dude: I’m a Puer­to Ri­can Nazi! I can’t be racist!

–Out­side Pyra­mid Club, Ave A

Thug en­ter­ing train at rush hour: Man, it’s like the fuck­ing Holo­caust in here.

–1 train

Over­heard by: Stel­la Blue

Work­er: I think the Holo­caust sounds so bad be­cause it’s the ‘Holo­caust.’ We should start call­ing it the ‘Jol­ly­caust.’

–Strand Book­store

Blonde tourist: The date was okay… I mean, the on­ly prob­lem I have is with his pol­i­tics. And then there was that whole, um, like… racial thing. You know, all that Aryan stuff.

–Crowd­ed M96 crosstown bus

Over­heard by: Socky

Speak­ing of Which: Drink­ing out of Toi­lets? Fab­u­lous.

Chick #1: … I don’t know…
Chick #2: Trust me — he wants it, but he’ll nev­er ask. You do it by sur­prise, and he’ll, like, cum all over you.
Chick #1: It just seems nasty.
Chick #2: Yeah, it’s nasty — that’s why guys like it! And I guess it feels good. I mean, boy dogs lick their own, right?

–21st St & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: Man­hattman

The Ad­vance Scout from Plan­et X Blows Its Cov­er

Guy: You know, they’re giv­ing away mon­ey on the T train for be­ing nice.
Bim­bette: What?
Guy: The T train — they’re giv­ing away mon­ey to peo­ple who are nice.
Bim­bette: Who are?
Guy: The T train.
Bim­bette: How can a train give away mon­ey?
Guy: Not the train. The peo­ple — the train peo­ple.
Bim­bette: Why would they give away mon­ey?
Guy: To en­cour­age peo­ple to be nice. They give it to peo­ple who do nice things.
Bim­bette: Nice things?
Guy: Yeah, like hold­ing open the door, let­ting some­one have your seat — nice things.
Bim­bette: How can they just give away mon­ey?
Guy: It’s not ac­tu­al mon­ey. They’re gift cer­tifi­cates to Dunkin’ Donuts.
Bim­bette: What’s a donut?
Guy: Are you fuck­ing kid­ding me?

–A train

Over­heard by: this imag­i­nary train you speak of sounds nice