Archive for October, 2018

You’ll Have to Pry It from My Cold, Dead Hands

[guy takes a flyer]Flyer guy: Hey, do you want to know about…
Guy in­ter­rupt­ing: No.
[guy goes in­to re­volv­ing door and fly­er guy fol­lows him in­to the same sec­tion of the door and stops it]Flyer guy: Don’t be such a jerk­wad, I want my fly­er back.

–68th St Loews

Over­heard by: LSB

…And Limes, and Stir­rers, and Rocks Glass­es

Stu­dent, ex­plain­ing a ba­by car­ri­er he made: In or­der to make sure it would hold the weight of a ba­by, I test­ed it with an Ab­so­lut vod­ka bot­tle.
Pro­fes­sor: You should have brought that in too. I think I have ton­ic in my bag.

–Par­sons School of De­sign

Over­heard by: don­ty­ouloveartschool

Can You Use Wednes­day One-Lin­ers in a Sen­tence?

20-ish woman: Why do they call it wait­ing on line in­stead of wait­ing in line? Is that like a New York thing? Is that like call­ing it smok­ing up in­stead of smok­ing out?

–58th & Park

Over­heard by: marisa

Guy: Well, I think ab­sent-mind­ed means more like… Uh… Like…

–Broad­way & Wa­ver­ly

Fu­ture lawyer chick: Wait… So that’s the re­but­tal? Re­but­tal? Is that a word? Or is the word ‘coun­ter­ar­gu­ment’? Or am I just mak­ing up words?

–LSAT class, Coop­er Square

Four-year-old girl to lit­tle boy who spoke in Span­ish: I don’t speak your Eng­lish!

–Clare­mont Park, Bronx

Over­heard by: ClaR­i­ty

JAP to boyfriend: I don’t want any­thing that I can’t, like, pro­nounce right now.

–St Mark’s falafel dis­trict

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Friends With Tom

Geeky boy: I think I’m hav­ing trou­ble meet­ing peo­ple on­line be­cause my My­Space page is so in­tim­i­dat­ing.
Goth girls: [Si­lence.]

–Eileen’s Cheese­cake

Girl: Hey, why did­n’t you Friend­ster me on My­Space yet?

–46th & 6th

Over­heard by: Dun­can Pflaster

Girl de­part­ing with friend: My­Space-mes­sage me when you get your new phone! But I’m sure I’ll see you be­fore then.

–Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: acep

Nerd: So I broke up with her by chang­ing my My­Space sta­tus from ‘In a re­la­tion­ship’ to ‘Sin­gle.’

–Star­bucks, As­tor Place

Over­heard by: Adri­enne

Ghet­to boy: Where the fuck has he been? Fuck. I’m go­ing to hunt that nig­ger down on My­Space.

–Wendy’s, 23rd St

Gui­do in car full of gui­dos, tak­ing girl’s pic­ture with cell: Hey, girl! Did­n’t I see you on My­Space last night?

–Hugh­es Ave & Ford­ham Rd

Over­heard by: Greg

Skin­ny girl on cell: What? I’m sor­ry! Lis­ten, you asked! That’s what hap­pens when you bend over and you aren’t wear­ing un­der­wear: your pussy def­i­nite­ly ends up on My­Space.

–65th & Lex