Archive for October, 2018

And Fri­day’s His Scrab­ble Night… No, I’ve Nev­er Gone With Him to Scrab­ble Night, Why?

Hip­ster Girl #1: So you guys should come. Oh! You should bring your boyfriend, I haven’t met him yet.
Hip­ster Girl #2: I wish I could but it’s on Wednes­day night, right? He’s re­al­ly in­to fash­ion, that’s when he watch­es Project Run­way.
[Hip­ster Girl #1 stares blankly at Hip­ster Girl #2 for a few moments.]Hipster Girl #1: Oh.

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: hobo­jane

You Can’t Al­ways Get What You Want

Woman in her 50s: “She used to drink on week­ends, Fri­day, Sat­ur­day and Sun­day. And then she got scared she was go­ing to start drink­ing Mon­day, Tues­day, Wednes­day, Thurs­day. So she went to AA and has­n’t touched a drop since, she’s a spon­sor too. That was 15 years ago. Now she’s 33 and she went back to school. She just be­came a para­le­gal and makes $950 a month. She did­n’t want to be one of those low peo­ple.”

–W Train

I Just Would­n’t Talk to Her be­cause She’s Black

Black woman: Mon­ey for the home­less? [Blonde chicks walk by, ig­nor­ing her.] What? You think you’re bet­ter than us? Fuckin’ white bitch­es!
Blonde, as she and friends run away: Oh, please, like this is about race. I don’t care if she’s black or white — I’m not giv­ing her any fuck­ing mon­ey to sup­port her char­i­ty. Al­so known as a crack habit.

–10th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: don’t do­nate ei­ther

Splen­da’s Ac­tu­al­ly Sug­ar with Aug­ment­ed Breasts and No Pubes

Chick #1: I al­ways use Equal.
Chick #2: Why?
Chick #1: Well, I like to think of Equal as the wom­en’s lib of sweet­en­er.
Chick #2: So… What does that make Sweet­’N Low? The pre-lib? Fem­i­nine mys­tique?
Chick #1: Yeah… Just look at it — pink and pret­ty, sweet, and bowed low. C’­mon. It’s like, ‘Hey, ladies, be sweet and pink for your man — use Sweet­’N Low and stay in shape and he’ll love you more!’ Then there’s Equal — it’s blue, it’s bold, it de­mands at­ten­tion. It says, ‘Yeah, we’re an ar­ti­fi­cial sweet­en­er, mar­ket­ed to­wards women, but we’re equal!‘
Chick #2: Um… Okay, so what does that make Splen­da?
Chick #1: I guess post-lib fem­i­nism?
Chick #2: Uh, I don’t even know what that is…
Chick #1: Well, see, Splen­da’s in court now be­cause ap­par­ent­ly nei­ther does any­one else.
Chick #2: Wow… The his­to­ry of fem­i­nism, as in­ter­pret­ed by Deb­o­rah, through ar­ti­fi­cial sweet­en­er… I don’t think I was ready for that at eight in the morn­ing on a Thurs­day.
Chick #1: Yeah… But that was the on­ly time it was gonna hap­pen.

–71st & West End

Over­heard by: Pe­dro

Al­though Her Moth­er Is Al­so White

Woman to woman with ba­by: Was she cloned? You two look ex­act­ly alike!
Woman with ba­by: I’m her step­moth­er, ac­tu­al­ly.

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty, Lin­coln Cen­ter