Archive for December, 2018

Hey, Mind If I Take Your Wal­let?

Ema­ci­at­ed goth/punk guy: Hey, do you know where a CVS is?
Passer­by suit: I don’t know what that is…
Passer­by prep­py girl: Are you look­ing for a CVS?
Ema­ci­at­ed goth/punk guy: Yes!
Prep­py girl: Well, there’s a Du­ane Reade right there, it’s like, the same thing.
Ema­ci­at­ed goth/punk guy, mat­ter-of-fact­ly: I know, it’s just im­pos­si­ble to steal from Du­ane Reade.
Prep­py girl: Oh.
Ema­ci­at­ed goth/punk guy: I’m re­al­ly poor.
Prep­py girl: Okay.
Ema­ci­at­ed goth/punk guy, cheer­ful: Thanks any­way!
Prep­py girl, al­so cheer­ful: You’re wel­come!

–Colum­bus Cir­cle

Over­heard by: Han­nah

Get a Lit­tle Car­dio With­out Your Ears Bleed­ing

Loud evan­ge­list, shout­ing in packed sub­way car: And so I dis­cov­ered that Je­sus Christ is the on­ly mes­si­ah! I found the Lord! I found the truth and the light!
Trapped pas­sen­ger #1: Could you turn it down a lit­tle?
Loud evan­ge­list, shout­ing in packed sub­way car: I was a sin­ner! I spent thir­ty-five years run­ning from the word of the Lord!
Trapped pas­sen­ger #2: At least you could run…

–A Train

Over­heard by: peep­er

Plus, He’s Six Months Old

Girl #1: Would Nick like this?
Girl #2: What, walk­ing here? In this place?
Girl #1: I’m ask­ing.
Girl #2: No way. Nick just would­n’t get this.
Girl #1: How do you mean?
Girl #2: Nick would­n’t get this. For Nick if it does­n’t, like, have boo­bies every 90 sec­onds, he just switch­es off.
Girl #1: Right.

–The Met

Over­heard by: Cliff