Archive for 2018

What’s a Nice Wednes­day Like You Do­ing in a One-Lin­er Like This?

Creep­ster to woman with child en­ter­ing train: You can sit here. There’s no rea­son to be stand­ing when you have a child with you. (woman sits) Not to sound creepy, but the view was much bet­ter when you were stand­ing.

–6 Train

Over­heard by: Creeped out.

Black hobo to young white girl: If you and I got to­geth­er, we could make the next Oba­ma.

–4 Train

Over­heard by: Katie

Greasy white suit to hot black chick: My name is Mark, but you can call me “The Vagi­na Whis­per­er.”

–Moe’s Bar. Brook­lyn

Guy hit­ting on four younger girls: I’ll take you home and we can do some­thing weird… I’ll pour hon­ey all over you. Then I’ll put you in the clos­et and let loose 200 bees in there with you! Or, we could do sexy-weird! I’ll pour but­ter all over you, and I’ll make toast, and I’ll wipe the but­ter off your back with it!

–1 Train

Old­er fat man yelling at at­trac­tive young woman: Hey bay! You’re beau­ti­ful! Look at me! You don’t want to say hi? (spreads his arms) Hey, come on, look at me. I’m Tony Baloney.

–Broad­way & Hewes, Brook­lyn

Hold My An­kles, Okay?

Girl­friend, drink­ing sake: This is the dumb­est method of con­sum­ing al­co­hol I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen keg stands!
Boyfriend: I’ve done keg stands!
Girl­friend: I can’t be­lieve I’m dat­ing you.

–Blue Rib­bon Sushi

That Coun­try Be­ing the UNIT­ED STATES (Com­ing Soon)

Chick: So are you Japan­ese?
Wait­ress: No, I’m–
Chick: Chi­nese? Ko­re­an?
Wait­ress: –I’m In­done­sian.
Chick: …where is that?
Wait­ress: Asia.
Chick: …Oh, you mean like, with Malaysia, Viet­nam, Ko­rea and all those oth­ers!
Wait­ress: Yes…
Chick: And they’re all re­lat­ed, right?…And they’re in the same coun­try?

–Wasabi, Green­point

Aren’t Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Sweet?

Woman: Cake is ob­so­lete.

–E 84th & 3rd

Over­heard by: ju­lia

Stu­dent giv­ing Pow­er­point pre­sen­ta­tion: Okay, so, um, this is a stat­ue of the Prophet Hag­gai, and you can see in his hand he’s hold­ing a scroll… Or maybe it’s a Cinnabon, I don’t know.

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty, Rose Hill

La­dy on cell: It looked like a marsh­mal­low with stick legs!

–Out­side Brit­tany Hall

Girl on cell: We can get a cake and just… fill it with vod­ka.

–Lafayette Res­i­dence Hall, NYU

Over­heard by: Emi­ly

Man to woman: … Adult ice cream.

–23rd & 7th

Over­heard by: mau­reen

Woman with hair bun: I’m not sure whether that makes me think of cake dec­o­rat­ing or a veiny pe­nis…

–Bar­cade, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: La­dle