Archive for 2018

Re­li­gion Be­ing In­dis­tin­guish­able from Mar­ket­ing

Sci­en­tol­o­gist man: What would you like your ca­reer to be?
Young queer: I’m still not sure. I’d like some­thing that pays mil­lions but does­n’t re­quire any ac­tu­al work, you know?
Sci­en­tol­o­gist man: You should as­pire to do more with your life if you ever want to be hap­py. I own my own com­pa­ny, and I love my life.
Young queer: Um, you’re giv­ing out free stress tests in a sub­way sta­tion and at­tempt­ing to sell some crazy guy’s book. Am I sup­posed to be­lieve that this is just a hob­by of yours?
Sci­en­tol­o­gist man: Yes.

–42nd St sta­tion

Over­heard by: Loli­ta

Al­so What Fresh­man Ori­en­ta­tion Is Like at Cor­nell.

Girl #1: Ugh, Brook­lyn Tech is so odd. But the kids are mad cool. We’re all like de­ment­ed nerds. It’s your typ­i­cal ur­ban Brook­lyn high school, but with su­per-ge­nius kids. Su­per-ge­nius kids that ain’t right in da head. But ya know, we kick ass.
Girl #2: Damn straight! Dem otha kids got nuthin on us.
Boy: Yo, you guys are whack! No won­der you are here.
Crowd of kids: Word!

–DeKalb Ave

Skynet Does Make a Con­vinc­ing Case

Guy #1: Dude, they should have a phone where you just say 92454.
Guy #2: Man, they al­ready have that.
Guy #1: Yeah, but with­out num­bers.
Guy #2: Stu­pid.
Guy #1: They should al­so have a video phone, so you can see who you’re talk­ing to.
Guy #2: They al­ready have that.
Guy #1: Man, tech­nol­o­gy is good. But it’s al­so stupid…Technology is go­ing to de­stroy us.

–1 train

Over­heard by: max

Un­til I Fuck You with a Strap-On at In­ter­mis­sion

Girl #1: I was so im­pressed with him! He im­me­di­ate­ly iden­ti­fied me as bi. No one else had ever done that be­fore.
Girl #2: I know. When I came out three months ago, I called every­one I knew, and they were all sur­prised.
Girl #1: And here we are at Ham­let, sit­ting here in dress­es! No one will ever sus­pect!

–Dela­corte The­ater, Cen­tral Park